Saturday 19th January - Report

Nine players contested the first game of the new season. In no time we were straight up to the high standards of skill and etiquette that we demand. One of the usual suspects was right at the heart of the carnage of course.

The action was on Killawatt pre-flop, he picks up a 3-4 suited and raises. So far so what, how hard can it be to pick up your own cards??? Next to act is Petawatt, who picks up the wrong cards, those of Killawatt, see's a 3-4 suited and promptly folds them, where they're rescued by Killawatt. A protracted period of indecision followed as we limped into the hand until Da Blouse exclaimed that Killawatt must have rubbish as Petwatt had quickly folded them. Killawatt immediately demands a meeting in the scullery with the errant card picker. It was at this point I stumbled back into the mess after a visit to the little boys room.

Killa & Peta emerged from the kitchen with the former declaring 'I demand a re-deal and he agrees', to much mirth. Henceforth, anyone aggrieved with their hand can now drag Petawatt to the kitchen and demand a re-deal!!!

Curfew issues for Da Blouse

Da Blouse was involved in some early hands as doubt arose over his Curlew to the point where he took a massive hit trying to knock out Killawatt in a bit of an all or nothing, lost the hand and was left bobbing gently under the surface with only a couple of hundred or so chips. As word arrived that his bird trouble hadn't materialised after all, he immediately fell victim to the sort of kill he used to specialise in. Being dealt a 9-9 left him little option, he shoved and found Killawatt sitting astride an A-J. All was good until the A appeared on the river and Dunderfunk began 2013 in much the same fashion as he finished 2012.

The Baptist was next out in 8th place. Having taken a couple of right kickings from your humble scribe in his previous handful of appearances, fate was once again lining up the end of his nose for a poker pummelling. My wee look revealed the bullets for the first time in the decade and being The One True Gentleman of Poker I could never slow play so raised the pot pre-flop. Of course my years of honesty aren't worth the pixels they're typed upon. The Baptist duly called with gash (Q with a 7 or 8 if I mind right) and began hitting cards left right and centre making his full house by the turn. Unaware as to his fortune so far, I was happy to call his raises all the way to the river which was an A, making me a AAA full house against The Baptist's QQQ full house. Once more, being TOTGOP, I pot raised but as usual and despite as always proclaiming my honesty from the nearest rooftop and despite me being continually responsible for ejecting him with tastier full houses than his, he could not be shaken off and insisted on doubling me up, making me chip leader and therefore interim Championship Leader. It was obviously a precarious hand for both of us, but The Baptist might be wondering what he needs to do just to get past someone as keek as the holder of the Wooden Spoon. I was just surprised my good cards had held up for once. But not for too long.

The Baptist was all in soon after with a paucity of chips and found myself and Young Rambo jostling for his scraps with the latter taking them and sending The Baptist back to the Jordan River pre-break.

I'm sure Sea Cock will be looking to get another win under his belt as early as possible this season to kickstart his assault on a maiden title but it wasn't to be this week. Killawatt claimed his second scalp of the evening after Ol' Sea Cock trickled down to next to nothing and shoved with a very mediocre J-10. Killa's A-Q held out until another A arrived on the river.

Sixth position was reserved for our reigning champ The GingaStinga. He fell victim to the developing theme of the evening when he kamikazed in with 7-7 and met the ever willing Killawatt, this time atop A-J. Yet again an A appeared and the GingaAllinah was mincemeat.

Petawart now slipped out in his customary mid placed finish. Constantly berated for not taking more chances by Killa, this time Peta gambled with a 5-6 suited, Killa called with Q-7 as you do and they both avoided everything the board had to offer. Another scalp for Killawatt in a seemingly unstoppable march to a first win of the season. But unable to leave it at that, Killa then recommenced his verbal trouncing asking in the high pitched voice of a 6 year old girl 'why did you decide to shove with that, there, then etc' I either zoned out or missed the end of it as it went of the end of the scale my lugs can pick up.

With four players still in the blinds were now at 500/1000 and there was very little room for manoeuvre  This means you're relying on luck a bit more and therefore I was a dead man walking. But before my ultimate kick in the stanes, first of all there was plenty more target practice for my opponents winkle pickers. Finding a 5-5, I pot raised only to be pot re-raised by (not lucky at all, skill only my good man) Killawatt. Despite absolutely gagging to take the cunning stunt down I managed to fold and found I'd have been up against J-J. If only there was some sort of enjoyment to be had from a good fold.

With everyone experiencing 'all-in moments' it was The Bonfire's turn next. Lunking the remainder of his chips behind an A-J, Killawatt once more rolled the dice, this time with a KQ, but A high was still the best hand after the river. Double up for the Bonf.

Wee Rambo also had a double up at the Killa's expense beating a 10-10-3-3 with a 10-10-4-4.

Losing hand

My turn thinks muggins here and took a step off the top board clutching A-K v The Bonfire. He turned over K-10, cards that any normal person would be more than content with. But I've been here too often and literally refused to watch, even after the call came from the table 'It's alright, you've hit your Ace', before their realisation that the A had also helped turn his K-10 into a straight. I'm still too sick to go on about it.

Wee Rambo went out in third after bleeding down to an all-in level. His Q-4 had a sluggers chance against Killawatt's 9-9, but nothing came out to help either player and we were finally at cash on the table time.

Winning hand

Not commenting at all on the cards held and their odds of winning, the final hand came as both players raised and re-raised as many chips as they could to get it on. The Bonfire had A-K and had to dodge Killa's J-8. Amazingly the A-K held up and The Bonfire emerged from the smoking ruins a little bit better off than when he arrived.

I don't want to talk about it any more.

I hope I didn't confuse you too much with talk of Curlew and curfew's.

See you next time (when as yet to be decided) where I will yet again not suffer or go on about a horrendous beat.

Result - 15/12/2012

Heads-up poker, Gynaecologist v Wee Rambo

1. The Gynaecologist

2. Wee Rambo

3. The Killa

4. The One True Gentleman

5. Petawatt

6. The Baptist

7. Ginger Implosion

8. Santanders Claus (only shows up once a year)

9. Bottleneck

10. C Koch.

Apologies: President Damage (Raiding Macy's), The Professor (Bothering Borderers), Rob's French Mate that played once and hated Sarkozy (France).

No Apologies, Just Ignorant No Showism: Sea Cock.

Nine players took part in the penultimate game of the season at Kev's Colosseum last Saturday and things could hardly have set up the 2012 Championship Game in early January any better.

I say nine, there were of course ten places set to begin with, but the Tenth Man, in this age of blanket electronic communication opportunities was unable to relay his non-attendance in any way. The host was visibly upset at this brazen rudeness and had to be talked down from a nearby tree before the match could commence. Typical Eskhill/Gilmerton slumdog behaviour I must say, nothing a good thrashing couldn't put right!!!

As is tradition within these pages, the winner of the battle is treated with whatever the opposite of kid gloves are (Granny mittens?). I'm reluctant to be too harsh this time though, preferring to keep my spare ire as usual for Petawatt for some as yet to be understood subconscious reason. Firstly because the twat wot won put me out en route, which gives me some sort of claim to being the second best player on the night despite finishing fourth. And secondly, because the manner of his victory, relying on luck above skill, hitting his own cards and dodging those of everyone else, is my preferred manner of victory every three years or so. It's reassuring to know that skill isn't always the main factor in victory.

All underhand tactics welcome

In his own words, the first man ejected summarised his night as "Guid cairds, nae luck". Two nines in the hand done for the Bottleneck against QQ in the grubby paws of the Doctor and we were down to eight. Rumours abound that Bottleneck will be spending next summer in the States at Poker Boot Camp to reinvigorate his play.

8th place was accepted by Dunderblouse. Commuting these days from just north of Reykjavik has limited his participation in the last year or so and when he has made it across the ocean's and range's he's had to turn round and head straight home again more or less as he takes off his Parka. In a bid to eradicate all opposition in quick time the shady Icelander brought a bottle of Absinthe to add to the Bomb ingredients we've accumulated. Tipping the scales at 55% the Bomb Bros held off until after the break before having to sample the poison. By then it was too late for the former Blouse. Holding a flush draw the assembled PP$'rs were cock-a-hoop when The Baptist 'Aced Aces' by tripping his A on the flop, a favourite ploy of the former from yesteryear.

The Championship race was then blown wide open. The GingaPrince is imploding before our very eyes in the style of Kevin Keegan back in 95-96. A PP$ resignation in the toilets might not be far off taking this particular analogy two football steps too far for most of the attendees. GingaPrince, pushing with a KJ v Killawatt who paired a 6 to send the Championship Leader into a deep dark hole of doubt. Are we going to witness final table pain akin to his 2010 heartbreak? As it stands (overall table will be 'released prior to the Championship Game), he still sits top with four victories, but Killawatt and The Doctor with three wins and better averages are right in the hunt with a game to play.

With two last place finishes in his first two appearances in our shark pit, The Baptist was in dire need of some improvement and found it as he made it past the Munchy Break for the first time alighting in 6th place. My memory and notes are unclear although I think he left clutching a low flush after previously coming back from the dead in a hand v The Doctor.

Petawatt who is desperately trying to find the win that'll guarantee me the Overall Wooden Spoon in 2012 perished next in 5th. The Doctor hit the river with a K to clobber the former's A5. There could be a few of us signing up to that boot camp next summer!!!

Then it was my turn. Again it was The Pussy Doctor who lucked out. My K4 hit a K on the flop, as did his K6. Once all the cards were out the 6 counted and I went into a huff for 5 minutes trying not to catch site of his beaming mug.

With three players left, GingaRadge was hoping Killawatt didn't win to take the overall lead for the year. If he'd have hung about he'd have been delighted as The Doctor produced an AK v Killawatt's A7 and the reigning champion had to leave the table just as the money joined.

Which God do/don't you believe in again?

On pint night in the Croon on Wednesday, a whimpering Little Rambo beseeched me to report sympathetically on his second place finish feeling he'd been somewhat hard done by. This is akin to Rupert Murdoch pleading for a fair trial when he's eventually dragged before Justice. If you dish it out when it's going your way it is most unbecoming to squeal like a pig when the great Flying Poker Spaghetti Monster deign's to anoint another. I quelled my opprobrium, until now.

Being a tad fair, maybe he was referring to hands such as his J7 v Q4. On the flop came a 7, then a 4 before the river turned out to be a Q. Maybe he has a case as that would have been the winning hand, instead Dr Pussy doubled up and ultimately used another Q4 to gub Rambo's A8.

Like all winners, The Doctor was unbearable in victory with the assembled crowd vehemently disagreeing with any assessment he made of his performance. It does however move him up to three wins alongside Killawatt, both with a better average than Four Wins Gingle Berries making the last game of 2012 a three-way tussle for the trophy.

Result - 24/11/2012

It is well and truly squeaky bum time in the Palace of the Ginger Prince as his two game lead was slashed to just one by a resurgent Killawatt on Saturday evening. Not just that but the regal pretender was unceremoniously dumped out in 7th with only Bottleneck to break his fall!!!

This looks like a job for the Superman Bomb!!!

1. Killawatt
2. Thunderfunk
3. Dino the Vino
4. The Gentleman
5. Wee Rambo
6. Petawatt
7. GingaRadge
8. Bottleneck

With a screaming little miracle due to thunk into a bucket in the new year (© Bill Hicks), this was billed as the last game ever scheduled to take place at the Rare Books Arena. Patrons didn't appear too perturbed, in this age of retiral's and comebacks (Hatton, Schumacher, Jordan, Streisand), a withdrawal of service usually isn't worth the Nexus it's typed on. Nonetheless a backup venue was immediately sought with Wee Rambo announcing he'd be more than happy to create a clearing in his jungle for some caird battles next season. Naming rights still available.

With an eye on marking the end of the Rare Books era, the Bomb Bros ensured proceedings would go swimmingly by supplying ingredients and receptacles for the latest Bombz. The evening was kicked off for the non-drivers with the newly devised Superman Bomb (see above pic). This led us directly into the first hand as one Bomb too many was poured, meaning the victor in the 1st hand would get the spare and be two whole Bombz to the good before the start of the second hand. Bombtastic!!!

Combining my skinflint tendencies and my alcohol problems, I was swiftly installed as favourite for that first hand and took it down with a minimum of fuss. Might be an idea to pretend there is drink for the victor of all hands from now on.

The soon to be mothballed Rare Books Arena

Sounding an early warning of things to come Killawatt drew first blood by eliminating the host with a full house on the flop in the last hand before the break. Bottleneck's big slick took a right hiding before stating to your blogger to note in the match report that "Bottleneck is unhappy with his luck". This is about as apeshit as I've seen him get.

The curse of the best hand soon did for the GingaRadge too. Looking good with two big dirty Kings against Dunderfunk's 10-10 his disgust was evident when a third 10 appeared. His Power Rangers, toy car and favourite teddy bear were slung across the table and Petawatt had to fetch the tissue while the rest of us cleared up his discarded toys.

While Gingle Berries cooled off on the naughty step Petawatt exited in 6th with a KJ against The Doctors KK. Poker fate wasn't as cruel to the Dr's Kings and the game was sad to see an unusually alert Petawatt join the casualty list. It was pointed out that this blog has historically been harsh on my closest wooden spoon contender, for that I do not apologise. All ire is earned, any praise is usually an oversight.

A particularly ugly threesome then took place between Killawatt, Wee Rambo and The Man with No Nickname. The latter was chip boss, Killawatt was all -in and in deep trouble whilst Wee Rambo put bravery before cowardice and shoved nobly. Killawatt had the best hand taking the side pot and getting a big double up, which wouldn't be the last time on the night. This left Wee Rambo against Dunderfunk in the main pot with WR being sucked out by a low kicker, Dunderfunk having "forgot about the side pot aspect".

So all of a sudden I was in the top four, not quite playing the game of my life, but almost enjoying the cairds for once. It wasn't to last. An A4 prompted The Gentleman to push all-in, Killawatt (not a gentleman) raised with an A5, but was gazumped by The Doctor with an AK and forced to fold, as you'd expect, wittering on about what the Dr should have done. Knocking me out and winning the hand obviously not good enough for the Hairy Oracle.

Dunderfunk, looking to put himself out having overran his pass, got busy with 89 clubs and met Killawatt in pocket Cowboys mode. Hitting a flush on the turn left Killa needing a 2, 5, 7, K or club to knock out the Dunderfunk, he missed and suddenly we had a big chip leader.

With three players left there was now a run of big clashes. Dunderfunk trying to go home, The Doctor waiting on good cards and Killawatt in amongst it probably playing the best poker.

Dunderfunk 66 v Killa AK all-in - AK both came, big double up

With the blinds now at 500/1000 The Doctor went out in third, Dunderfunk still trying to go home moving in with 34 suited hit a 4 v The Doctor's A9 suited and Dr Consistency was no more.

Dunderfunk soon had Killa all in with a Q9 against J7, but nobody hit a thing and Killa again had a big double up. Soon they were locking horns again. Killa emerged victorious with another big double up as his 44 turned into a straight against J3. Soon Killa's 44 tripped to overcome a JJ this time leaving the former Blouse floundering badly. But he was right back in it when an A7 was far too good for A4.

While such a ding dong is exciting in most sports, the vanquished spectators were beginning to bore somewhat. Another factor, with your scribe about 6 Bombs and 3 cans into the evening, not forgetting the sundry impediments to lucidity, all this was becoming quite difficult to accurately or legibly document and I was relieved when a conclusion was finally reached. Killawatt's A5 was all over Dunderfunk's 10-5 and the money was staying in the Cuik!!!!

Au revoir to Le Rare Books Arena. Can the GingaPrince hold on for another title, although he is no stranger to a last day crash and burn either? Will Killawatt retain his crown? Will The Doctor be able to have a final say in matters? More importantly, who will 'win' the widden spin???

Saturday 31st March

Kev at the 2007 WSoP

Modifications to original text in yelly.

Killawatt stormed back into Championship contention last night at the Rare Books Arena. A rollicking performance in the face of stern opposition had his worldwide fan base on their feet whooping in adoration as he squeezed the last chips from the only remaining challenger, your humble scribe, to chalk up his first victory in the 2012 competition.

As the blinds increased to 2,000/4,000, Killawatt held about 3.5x the big blind while The Raiser had the big blind + 100. All-in was immediately reached and the Champ's A-10 held up against The Raisers 9-3 suited.

For Killawatt it ends three matches without a victory whilst its another case of what might have been for The Raiser who brought his A-game for the second match in a row. Unfortunately, when it does surface, it seldom hangs around and normal mid-table service will probably soon resume for the Peni-Hellmuth.

By this point Aces Duncan sporting an unlucky and overall pretty uninspiring new blouse had long since vacated. Playing cards of incredible looseness (politest way I can think to put it) he barely lasted seconds as he chucked half his chips at Bottleneck with a middling flush (J-high) whilst the host held Q-high.(the A was on the board). Unperturbed, soon after when The Raiser checked his AA and was pot raised by the in-a-hurry Corstorphinite, a pot re-raise wasn't enough to stop Thunderfunk piling all his chips behind an A9 off-suit. The silence around the table was broken only when a small voice tried to offer support mentioning that three 9's would help him, three 9's dialled on the phone maybe!!!

Seemingly unable to stay in the match if nobody is shouting at him to stay in the match, Willie WarmBeer (aka Wee Rambo) soon followed. In a hand of potential mass carnage involving;

Wee Rambo enraged at bad beat

Wee Rambo - AJ suited
Bottleneck - KQ suited
Killawatt - AQ offsuit
GingaStinga - AK offsuit

...the latter pair managed to extricate themselves from the impending bloodbath after raises & re-raises from the first pair (after much high pitched whining of course). Such a major move so early blew up in the fizog of the fearless Mini-Stallone and he was left fiddling menacingly with his weapons in an all too familiar early exit position.

The next victim of the cairds in 6th place was GingaRadge at the end of a noticeably more subdued performance than normal. While he ended up all-in with A4 v Bottleneck also with A4, the hosts cairds were suited and as the river came, life imitated art as GingaStinga pleaded with the poker gods not to end it like this.

Not like this...

It was reminiscent to this observer of the scene in The Matrix when Cypher pulls the plug on Switch as she pleadingly mutters "not like this". The cairds were brutal, the river brought a flush for Bobbybawbag and in a rebel ship somewhere deep within the earth's crust The Ginga Prince's lifeless corpse slumped to the floor (ok, the last bit might not have happened). Then there were five.

Eat this Turner!!!

Those not in attendance on the night should now prepare to hold their sides as they may soon begin to split. Those who did attend are surely already pi$$ing their pants once more. The Doctor, the exalted Brain of the table, the wisest of the lot almost knocked himself unconscious on a howfing great big lump of ignominy that suddenly appeared over his supersonic cranium. Having endured a round of checking, The Doctor made a tidy raise. Petawatt folded, Killawatt folded, The Raiser folded. The Doctor, jumping to the conclusion that the hand was over reached for the pot and declared the table to be populated by a "bunch of pussies". But Bottleneck was still in and didn't need a Poker A-Z to interpret that little snippet of info. The Doctor held Q8 with the 8 being top pair. Bottleneck trumped this with an A8 and the pussies could hardly contain themselves as the 2010 champion exited the game in 5th. Toot toot!!!

To this point Petawatt had been unleashing his new style on the PP$. Not content to solidly reach 2nd or 3rd place before bleeding dry, some (almost) aggressive betting had propelled him into contention. On the button he called with 5-5, Killawatt folded the small and The Raiser was delighted to be allowed to see the flop with his 2-3 offsuit. When the flop came down 3-3-10, The Raiser naturally checked, The Fur Warrior raised, The Raiser re-raised Petawatt all-in (leaving myself a single chip) and was most pleased when Petawatt called it. The last two cards were dud and two bad moves in one hand ended the Petawatts participation.

Killawatt had spent a while skirting around all-in territory but was handed a value chance v Bottleneck when he called in a troublesome spot against a raise that offered Killa enough value to call, his top pair held up (against heehaw) and his double-up was effectively fatal for the Bottlenecks chances. Soon after Killawatt reluctantly turned off Bottlenecks life support when he called the Bottlenecks K-3 with a 9-2 suited and the flop brought a flush for Mr I-know-the-odds-but-never-seem-to-get-shafted-by-them.

It's still too soon to tell if Bottleneck has lost his endgame after its single appearance- watch this space.
Then it was heads-up which lasted a wee while before the timer and the blinds brought down the final curtain. Four games, four winners, table to follow later in the week.

1. Killawatt
2. The Raiser
3. Bottleneck
4. PETAwatt
5. The Doctor
6. Ginga Prince
7. Wee Rambo
8. Dunkin Donut

Apologies: The Damage (teleporter still on the blink), The Professor (better things to do than donate a fiver to Kev), Sea Cock (unable to break through Gilmerton front line).

Saturday 25th February 2012

Bawbag at the Town Hall on Friday

All hail the Bottleneck. The 'Barren Decades' are over. Some said he didn't have an Endgame. Others said he lacked the Bottle. Yet more doubted his Desire. But all those voices were silenced at Kev's Colosseum on Saturday as Bobby Bawbag trumped all present with a winning performance right out of the second top drawer.

1. Bottleneck
2. GingaStinga
3. Petawatt
4. Aces Picasso
5. Killawatt
6. Wee Rambo
7. The Raiser

Apologies: DaBlouse (painting), The Doctor (attending to Dutch royalty), The Professor (in a huff after suggestion of up front payments was made to ensure better attendance), Sea Cock (pedicure), Ricketts (rickets).

First to exit within an hour was your grumpy scribe. Somehow, most probably due to abused substances, I didn't spot the second of the two nuances to GingaStinga's game. Move 1: no nuts, pot raise. Move 2: got nuts, slow play then pot re-raise. My J-10 flush on the flop including the A on the board looked better in the hand than it was in reality. It was being slow-played to the max, little did I know there was an even dirtier slow player in our midst. Calls from the floor relating to felines about the mass of check-check-checking may have compounded matters. Still, against a K or Q + a lower club would have been perfectly acceptable. GingaStinga having both K&Q was very bad manners. I duly flounced off into the corner to queue stuff on Spadify.

This allowed Wee Rambo to move up into 2nd last place. The puir wee scone thought he'd made it to the Munchy Break by going out the hand before the Munchy Break. By this logic, I made the Munchy Break too by going out 25 hands before the Munchy Break. Still, he's relatively new to the ways of the PP$ force. The Doctor still doesn't have a clue what's going on after about 15 years of playing and Petawatt is still unsure how to raise properly so there's still plenty time to pick up the finer nuances.

After initial signs that his boringly effective form was returning, Killawatt began to lose some chippage, with one biggie going Bottleneck's way, ultimately leaving Killa hovering around a grand and at his all-in/double-up stage. Using his ethereal skills he managed to get all in with 5-5 v GingaStinga's 4-4. Heads in hands for everyone except the Auburn-tinged one when a 4 arrived and Poker Behemoth was oot.

Leonardo Dunderfunk who wasn't in attendance was next to perish at the hands of GingaPotRaisa. With about three seasons of bad luck still due after his many years of being a lucky bar steward, Constable Andrews managed to get into a double up situ ahead, but GingaStinga hit an A on the river to shoot the non-present Aces Duncbucket out of the game.

Then there were three. PP$'s very own Pistorius, Mr Petawatt, sporting yet another new arm since he realised it gets you out of shuffling, dealing and construction duties stuck to his patented online tournament gameplan by hanging around until an all-in was forced upon him, doubling up on that all-in, then bleeding out soon after (see last game report and probably next game report too).  But that's what will happen if you slowplay AA in a 3-way situation as he dangerously and disastrously did. The golden PP$ rule - Winner Takes All - is supposed to deter people from this sort of hypnagogic play, but Petawatt, just like Cameron & Lansley, shall not waver from pursuing a defunct policy despite every man and their dog telling them otherwise. This allowed GingaAllInna to add a K8 to his hole K8 and suddenly Bottleneck was in a heads up scenario against a GingaAllInna who just could not stop putting folk out.

First hand of heads-up followed the Gings Plan A, going pot raise/all-in etc but he took a right chipsmashing as Bottleneck's pair held up against AK. Undeterred, GingaAllInna piled what he had left in again on the next hand. Bottleneck called and this time came from behind with a QJ against A-10 to truly StingaGinga and walk off with 35 of the queens spondoolicks. In reality, these last hands played themselves but Rob had to be quick as his lift had started the engine before he could pocket the pennies.

Later in the week I'll update the Championship Table. In other news, it looks like there is a decent chance of a City Game at The Doctors Surgery next Saturday. Keep an eye on your email for details.  Respeck!!!

2011 - Final Table

Killawatt leading the Final Table!!!

Points of note:

• Absolutely no change in positions from the last table although Da Blouse only just managed, by finishing 8th, to hold off The Raiser who would have moved up from 5th to 3rd with a win instead of a RU spot.
• Bottleneck finished 4th on the Points Table, 5th in the Averages Table but only 7th where it matters most!!!
• After compiling the penultimate table, I chucked out the 'results sheet'. Therefore I can't include a runners-up/heads-up column as requested by GingaStinga. I'll include it for 2012 onwards.
• 17 games played, 17 wins in the win column. This confirms Wee Rambo did win a game. It may have been a 5-player and may not have felt like a full-on PP$ is all I can say to your claims not to have won a game. I'm absolutely positive you did. If I wasn't your win column would say 0 quicker than it takes GingaStinga to pot re-raise with a middling pair.
• If The Prof had played one more game, the race for the wooden spoon with The Doc would have been interesting.
• If the table was sorted by average points, GingaStinga would have finished second last.
• The Doctor goes from Hero to Zero.

                              P     W     L    Pts    Ave

Killawatt                 17     9     2     260    15.294
Petawatt                 15     2     0     195    13.000
GingaStinga             9     2     3      78      8.667
Da Blouse                9     1     0      93     10.33
The Raiser              16     1     2    164    10.25
The Buoy                  9     1     2     81     9.000
Bottleneck               15     0     2    136    9.067
The Doctor              14     0     2     80     5.714

Wee Rambo           4     1     2     22    5.500
Beef Razor             1     0     0     10    10.000
The Damage           1     0     0      8      8.000
Nico                        1     0     0      8      8.000
The Professor        8     0     2     45     5.625
Liam                      1     0     1     0      0.000