2014 Champion

Killawatt wins 2014 title with 4 wins. Petawatt in 2nd place with 3 wins. Gingaradge won the 2014 championship Game.

2014 - Game Two - Result

PP$ Baby Coup

Wee Rambo snaffled the 20 points in his first appearance of 2014, concurrently launching a takeover of the PP$ by it's Baby Crew, Petawatt having taken Game 1.

With the virility of youth taking a tight grip on this years championship, questions will increasingly be asked about the fitness of some of the older members of the collective, at least until these whippersnappers relinquish their monopoly of the wins column.

Wee Rambo's match winning hand was an 8-5, having earlier dispatched a dispeptic GingaGrandRadge with an 8-6. The crotchety response to this unfortunate exit from the ornery former champion had your humble scribe grabbing for his thesaurus.

Bonfire - Back in fashion

The Grandfather of Gingia left the game third to last in 7th place. The first departure of the night, from both game and premises belonged to the reigning champ, El Abuelo Bonfirio, dumped out on his 'airy 'erse in 9th by Dr Old. The board including K-Q-J-10 favoured the former, but the ageing Dr made a club flush. The Greying Bonfire can console himself with this observers observation that the beard appears to be making a return to commonplace usage.

Fallen giant, Killawatt, soon to be renamed something as amazingly witty as K'oldandpastit, finished 8th. He was splatted in a three way involving the then Championship Leader, Petawatt (K-K) and comedy goofball The Gynaecologist (A-J suited). K'oldandpastit grimly clutched his pocket 9's life raft as his chips drifted off slowly into the distance.

The Brittleneck was surprising even himself at his continued involvement, not bad for a man of his years, but it wasn't to last. His method of dispatch was an A-3 v A-10 with a 10 on the flop, Wee Rambo being the ruthless assassin taking the third of his five victims for the evening.

Beardicus Australicus

With big blinds now at 600, Doctor Auld finished 5th. Having taking a right kicking in turns from rapscallions-in-arms Petawatt and Dunderfunk, Wee Rambo performing the last rites as The Doc found himself down to 300 in chips. I followed soon after, bleeding down to 200 and not finding the necessary miracles for a resurrection.

Baby Crew co-chairman Petawatt expired in 3rd, another creditable performance. Somewhat unfortunate to see his A-7 shafted by 8-7 clubs when the board brought J-10-9 clubs for Wee Rambo. But only one stripling could win and it wasn't to be him. The senicide was delayed only momentarily.

Dunderfunk was all that stood in the way now for the Peni-Mini-Stallone. But when ageing Aces D tripped a 10 on the flop and sat on them, he was gazumped by another Wee Rambo flush on the river swinging the game towards the Phantom Phlusher. The end was harsh for Dudderflunk who felt quite chirpy atop Q-8, especially when his adversary showed a dominated 8-5. But big Wee Rambo stormed home from behind to take the shekels and first place in the fledgling 2014 Championship Table.

1. Wee Rambo
2. Dunderfunk
3. Petawatt
4. The One True Gentleman
5. The Doctor
6. Bottleneck
7. GingaRadge
8. Killawatt
9. Shantanamo Away


Game 3 - Kev's Colosseum - 15th March

1st Game of 2014 Season - Report

Unused Bomb Beakers betray the non-attenders

Petawatt took the Championship Lead after the first game of the season at Kev's Colosseum on Saturday night. But before the cards, some outstanding issues were discussed.

Throughout the season, situations arise that occasionally require a consensus. Also, any suggested changes to game practice can be saved up for discussion and a vote at the end of the season. In an attempt to head off any more shambolic discussions mid-game (as had happened in the previous game), a valiant attempt was made to agree on some proposed rule changes/clarifications before the new season kicked off. However this just seemed to bring the nonsense forward. With the majority of the PP$ in attendance, and an odd number at that, making this a perfect time to vote, even the staging of a vote without 100% attendance somehow became a bone of contention for Killawatt. Apparently he'd rather wait until players who had "forgot" the game was even on could 'remember' to attend.

Two votes were finally held.

Firstly, what happens when a dealer makes a total baws-up (the situation that nearly destroyed and lengthily delayed the 2013 Championship decider)? Should it be a redeal, or some other remedy? The most recent example was a Dealer not dealing someone a hand. One of our suggested solutions was to give the player without a hand the next two cards in the deck and play on. I suspect at a casino this solution would make people draw their weapons. It should be a void hand and a redeal. The resolution we reached, proposed by the Prince of Gingia, as I understand it is, in future the decision will go to a "closed vote". This will be a secret vote where only those involved in the hand get a say. I've no idea how this will be workable in practice, but that is what the majority agreed.

The second vote, aimed at trying to stop games being frequently delayed by people wandering off mid-hand proposed a player being automatically folded if not in the room when it's their turn to act. Totally straightforward and the norm in tournament/casino poker. It makes so much sense I can't fathom why its even an issue. This proposal was easily defeated by 4-2 with no requirement for the seventh voter to vote. As this all took place before the game started, at the end of the vote, and it being an unsatisfactory outcome to me personally, to make a point about the stupidity of the result, which Killawatt had made personal - I'd proposed it, he said he'd voted No simply because I voted Yes - I went to the little boys room, delaying the start of the game and forcing home my point about unnecessary hold-ups being needlessly frustrating, but not taking any time out of the game in doing so (unlike when others wander off when the clock is ticking). This was met with vociferous incredulity by those who had just voted in favour of keeping these delays in the game. My unimpeachable saintly self was then accused of a lack of respect by weasely Killawatt who seconds before was voting against my proposal because I was proposing it. There are wind-ups and there are antagonistic onslaughts!!!

Once the game was finally under way, and I assume, as the incorrecticity of the No vote (or should that be the Yes To Needless Delays vote) became clearer, the No voters seemed to move towards some sort of conciliation. A position was belatedly proposed by Dunderfunk to automatically fold someone who was not "within shouting distance" (why this is an improvement on 'at the table' or 'in the room' wasn't made clear). In practice this means that we can now scream upstairs to the bathroom 'what are you doing, check, raise or fold?' and the reply will be 'dunno, not seen my cards, but I'm in shouting range so can't be folded'.

For £%&@'s sake!!!

And so to the even less joyous part of the evening, the effing cairds. Your Sulking Narrator won the first hand of the night/season, taking an early Championship lead in the process. One was not slow to point this out or milk it. But before long 'Aces' Dunderfunk was out of the blocks with pocket rockets, later getting another pair of them for the only two of the evening. This caused me to propose another new rule banning long sleeves at the PP$.

The blinds went up a lot quicker than the Dealer chip went round, and all present made it to the Munchy Break. Lubrication was provided by a round of old skool JagerBombz, some SexBombz, an abominable Bonfire bomb with Melon involved and Bomb of the moment, the Bomb Marley.

Petawatt & GingaRadge survived all-ins, the latter's involving a tussle with your Unlucky Scribe. The Ginga Prince raised all-in making the cost of the hand 1250. With 1320 left I found myself believing I was ahead, around 70-30 it transpired, but fearing I'd take a doing when the board was dealt. I folded my pocket hooks, showed my cards, as did the Prince, to find all my suspicions come to fruition. If I'd done the 'right' thing, I'd have been on the phone to the Poker Polis making accusations of assault as he (would have) hit a straight on the river.

From leading the Championship, I was now in a bit of chip strife. An A-Q required the pushing of my remaining chippage. Dunderfunk (7-7) and GingaRadge (A-low) called, checked me down and a 7 on the river displayed my inability to win from ahead or behind. Yippee, another season of whinging blogposts await.

Bottleneck's challenged expired in the next two hands. Firstly his K-J couldn't overcome another pair of 7's, this time held by the Ginger Prince. With A-K as compensation immediately afterwards, Bottleneck found himself all over Q-hi Killawatt, but a Q-hi straight royal flush later, Boaby was left blinking moistly into the middle distance. His situation was compunded as Killawatt was next to make for the exit when his 6-6 was crushed by GingaRadge's A-K.

Reigning champ The Bonfire had been busy accumulating a nice stack. All-in with a Q-9 v Petawatt's A-10, a Q on the board doubled him up. But he was soon decimated in a 3-way stramash. Petawatt with the lowest stack was all-in with Big Slick. Dunderfunk had A-9 clubs and the Champ pinned his hopes on A-5 diamonds. Nothing came, Petawatt making good, Dunderfunk consolidating and The Bonfire fizzling to mere embers. He was finally snuffed out when his Q-2 hearts found itself up against the K-4 hearts of Dunderfunkus. Fourth position for The Bonfire.

With three chancers left, Dunderfunk had the lead with Petawatt and GingaRadge about equal. Petawatt survived two all-in's in a row, the records only noting the details of his K-7 suited hitting running cards for a flush against Dunderfunk's K-Q.

Dunderfunk took his leave in 3rd place. With a K-9 v A-6 of GingaStinga, a 9 arrived swinging the hand one way before an A on the river redressed the balance and made it cash-on-the-table time.

In one of the most boring heads-ups of recent times, eventually we reached a conclusion when Petawatt's 7-9 diamonds flushed to romp off with the match against GingaRadge's K-Q.

1. Petawatt
2. GingaOobs
3. Aces Dunkin
4. Last Years Champ
5. Sillywatt
6. Bottleneck
7. The One True 2014 Champion Elect of Poker

Next game Saturday 15th Feb.

2013 Championship Decider

10 x 10 =

Saturday 4th January 2014 was the day deemed fit to host this most momentous of contests in the Scottish sporting calendar. Kev's Colosseum welcomed a capacity crowd of 10 with the 2013 Championship Trophy still within the grasp of four players.

They were Championship leader The Doctor (3 wins in 2013), past champion The Ging'r Radge (2 wins) and Championship virgins, The Bondi Bonfire (2 wins) & Wee Rambo (2 wins). Two other players with 2 wins, PP$ hall-of-famers Dunderfunkin & Killawatt had averages that couldn't overcome that of the table topping Doctor no matter the result of this game.

Things at the opposite end of the table were decided, much to the delight of The One True Gentleman and Petawatt, purely by the appearance of Sea Cock, his attendance tipping him into half-plus-one qualification for the Final Table. His wretched average ensured he couldn't overhaul the averages of the former two even with a win, unless there was a sudden unforeseen alteration to the laws of mathematics. He'll be stirring his soup with a 'widden spin' for the next twelve months!!!

At stake was the ultimate prize in World Poker, the PP$ Annual Championship Trophy. But as this was the Championship Game, there is also the Tenner Game Trophy. And not only that, but ten tenners for the winner and Amazon vouchers for 2nd and 3rd place courtesy of match sponsors, K & FW Services.

The game began at a measured pace, but also, the bombs began to flow. These early incendiaries probably laying the foundations for the explosive carnage that arrived later. First up was a 'family' round of as yet unnamed Cointreau bombs in a Perry perimeter. Boosh!!!

Petawatt in laptop frenzy

Around this time the attendees were treated to a vintage performance by slapdash local comedian, Petawatt who launched into a frenzied assault on his poor laptop with glass based ornaments elevating past clumsiness to a new level. These performances make the anticipation of the next game, and his next routine, a mouth-watering prospect. Hopefully he could devise something with a tray of knives or some live cables (or indeed both) to keep the entertainment level high. And still they let this man ride a bike at speeds down hills.

Not long after being dragged away from his fliptop portal, Petawatt showed the first (and only) bullets of the evening. On his right, Rambo the Younger was busy building large stacks of 10's.

With the word 'sober' leaving the building as a relevant word, the Omaha hands began to rattle some chips around the table and to be honest, details of the game I didn't actually note down (exit hands only) become very sketchy quite early.

The odd K-J or A-suited kept my own whingeing levels low and also brought a hand or two to kick the granny into touch. The Doctor, trying to concentrate his purty little ass off was simply making a new raft of mistakes, getting people to play before it was their turn and that sort of thing (no prizes for guessing the victim of his vein-popping, swivel eyed aggression...). In His Regal Corner, on His Regal Throne, Killawatt was showing all the signs of increasing imbibification as his volume control spiralled to 11 and beyond.

10th place. Last place. First oot. Call it what you will. It went to Bottleneck. Getting drawn into an Omaha all-in with a pair of K's, Captain Birdseye blew him out the water with a hand I have in my notes as "(CL)". Any decipherification welcome.

Mid match, when the drink was a-talkin

And then things went pear-shaped. A cock-up by the Doctor, I mean Dealer, nope, same thing, resulted in a player being all-in before another player realised he hadn't been dealt a hand. Killawatt then went on a long discussion with himself about what he'd decided should happen, and when an alternate view was belatedly and politely proposed before a 'steamroller vote' (actual term used by the opposition), lets just say debate was had for a lengthy period. It was eventually resolved against Killawatt's opinion, but at least we could move on.

Then about two hands later, just after Killawatt had lost a chunk of chips to your Dear Narrator, two cards from that deck were found in the 'other' deck (PP$ uses two decks), the now well on his way to Nuggetsville Killawatt went airborne demanding a redeal and the 'lengthy discussions' were back on and worse than before.

GingaSlam

It is difficult to say who was apoplectic and who was poorless with laughter at all this, but when the dust finally settled and the game recommenced, within a couple of hands The Ginger Prince was all-in. This hand, the details of which maybe never even went into my head on the night, turned into what my notes refer to as a "Total Chip Stramash". The Prince of Gingia lost the hand and in the blizzard of bombs, misdeals, histrionics and hilarity, was out of the game, out of the championship and before Bottleneck could say 'lets get the fox outta here', The GingaRadge had exited the building.

The Championship would not be returning to Rullion Road. A young girl would be devastated. That's poker luv!!! We all hate it too. Hopefully Daddy didny smash too many holes in the wall when he got home.

Former and still occasional chianti, Dunderfunk took his leave in 8th place at the hands of a resurgent Doctor whose A-3 was enough for the paltry 4-6 off suit. He was followed in 7th place by Sea Cock who charged in behind an A-J to find Wee Rambo holding A-Q.

Killawatt was in soapy bubble around this time but majorly doubled-up against Wee Rambo when his A-3 trumped the latters K-3.

Petawatt went out in 6th with a perfectly respectable A-K but The Doctor edged him out with pocket 9's. No help for either on the board meant a slipping back into the middle placings for the winner of the penultimate game of the season.

With half the field now smoted into 2013 poker oblivion, 3 players were still on for the title with myself and Killawatt only able to cause pain and havoc for the hopefuls. Things soon moved on apace as these players found themselves in this hand;

J-J     Killawatt (all-in)
A-Q   Wee Rambo (all-in)
A-K   The Bonfire (praying-to-a-God-he-hadn't-previously-believed-in)

Killa led after the flop before a killer bullet appeared on the turn. Killawatt was out. Wee Rambo was out. While Shantanamo Gay moved to the cusp of PP$ Championship Dreamland. But the Doctor was still lurking.

Suddenly it was The Last Three. Readies and baubles onto the baize time. The culmination of a year of poker pain. Whatever the outcome, the gaudy prize would be leaving the 'Cuik for Auld Reekie.

The One True Gentleman and The Gynaecologist soon locked horns with the latter all-in. With starting hands not in the notes, all I have is "beaten from ahead" and "hit a 9". As I was the victor, I can only hazily recall that my A-9 trumped his pocket pair. I'm happy to be reminded/corrected.

2013 PP$ Champion

And so the title went to the great-great bastarding offspring of Australia's most notorious outlaw. Somewhat fitting, but there was still the small matter of the heads-up to be resolved betwixt Ned Kelly & Ned Frazerio.

The concluding hand of the 2013 season played itself out soon after. Your Humble Scribe, the former Jack-Six, the former The Raiser, the current One True Gentleman of Poker (only the cards, not the chat) found himself with the arme de choix of the slain Killawatt, the controversial K-9, and shoved. And The Bonfire bit straight back with a K-10. While my poker luck has turned for sure this last season, it hasn't turned that much and it was fireworks time around The Bonfire.


2013 Championship Match - Result

1. The Bondi Bonfire
2. The One True Gentleman of Poker
3. The Doctor
4. Wee Rambo
5. Killawatt
6. Petawatt
7. Sea Cock
8. Dunderfunk
9. GingaRadge
10. Bottleneck

Final Table - 2013

                             P     W   2nd    L    Pts      Ave
Shantanamo Gay  11     3     2     0    134     12.182
The Doctor          14     3     1     2     149    10.643
Wee Rambo          9     2     2     1     114    12.667
GingaRadge         16     2     2     1     167    10.438
Killawatt              17     2     3     4     152     8.941
Dunderfunk          12     2     1     2      96      8.000
The Gentleman     16     1     3     1     171    10.688
Petawatt              17     1     2     1     178    10.471
Sea Cock              9     0     1     2     51        5.667

Bottleneck            8      1      0      3     47     5.875
The Baptist           3      0      0      0      6      6.000
Wattinlaw             2      0      0      0      4      2.000



December 2013 Result, for which there was no report:
1. Petawatt  2. The Doctor  3. GingaRadge  4. The Bonfire  5. Dunderfunkin  6. The Gent  7. Killawatt

November result and Overall Table

Second win of the season for D'oh D'oh Dunkin.

Due to 'administrative' errors a slightly under populated sixsome contested an OFFICIAL game at Kev's Colosseum earlier this month. The result wiz:

1. DunderDonut
2. Shantanamo Gay
3. Petawatt
4. Dr 'Spreadum'
5. The Gent
6. Killawatt

Making this the latest championship table:

15 games played (8 h+1)        P    Wins     2nd     Last     Pts     Ave

The Doctor                            12      3        0          2       119    9.917
Wee Rambo                           8       2        2          1       101   12.625
The Bonfire                            9       2         2         0        105   11.667
GingaStinga                           14      2         2         1        153   10.929
Killawatt                                 15      2        3         3        141    9.400
Dunderfunk                            10      2        1         2         85     8.500
The One True Gentleman      14      1        2         1        151   10.786
Petawatt                                15      0        2         1        149    9.933
Sea Cock                               8       0        1         2         44     5.500

Bottleneck                              7      1        0        2          47      6.714
The Baptist                             3      0        0        0          18      6.000
Wattinlaw                               2      0        0        0           8       4.000

November Remember

Apologies to the legions of PP$ fans all over the globe who've had to go without my regular bad beat whinges. Whilst the blog may have fallen behind, the jotting down of results through a hazy drunken blur onto scraps of paper continued and this blog shall not only update, but also correct an earlier error (middle game from the last post was a repeat from 11th May result).

Since the last online update, I have some truly amazing news. On the evening of the 7th September, your humble narrator assuaged a smidgeon of the pain of 'The Winless Years' with a victory which brought little enjoyment, but at least some relief from some of the joke ejections I've had to suffer for longer than I'm able to remember. There was also a rare victory for veteran PP$ wooden spooner The Bottleneck. Elsewhere Petawatt has finished 2nd twice. Third time lucky?

Below are all the results from the 8 games played SINCE 22nd June's post (therefore, completely ignore the results in the 15th August post).

1. Wee Rambo  2. GingaRadge  3. The Doctor  4. Killawatt  5. The Gentleman  6. Petawatt  7.  Bottleneck

1. The Doctor  2. GingaRadge  3. The Gentleman  4. Da Blouse  5. Wee Rambo  6. Petawatt  7. Bonfire  8. Sea Cock  9. Killawatt  10. Bottleneck

1. Bottleneck  2. Sea Cock  3. Petawatt  4. Killawatt  5. GingaRadge  6. The Gentleman  7. Watt-in-law  8. Wee Rambo  9. Da Blouse

1. Wee Rambo  2. Petawatt  3. GingaRadge  4. Bonfire  5. Killawatt  6. The Gentleman  7. Da Blouse  8. The Doctor

1. Killawatt  2. Wee Rambo  3. GingaRadge  4. Petawatt  5. Sea Cock  6. The Doctor

1. The Gentleman  2. Da Blouse  3. Petawatt  4. Bottleneck  5. The Doctor  6. GingaRadge  7. Killawatt

1. The Doctor  2. Petawatt  3. Killawatt  4. The Gentleman  5. Bonfire  6. Watt-in-law  7. GingaRadge

1. Bonfire  2. Killawatt  3. The Gentleman  4. Bottleneck  5. The Doctor  6. GingaRadge  7. Da Blouse  8. Petawatt

The up to date and accurate Championship Table shall now be revealed.

                                            P     Wins     2nd     Last     Pts     Ave

The Doctor                          11      3     0     2     111     10.090
Wee Rambo                         8       2     2     1     101     12.625
The Bonfire                           8       2     1     0      89      11.125
GingaRadge                         14     2     2     1     153     10.929
Killawatt                               14      2     3     2     141     10.070
The One True Gentleman    13     1     2     1     147     11.308
DunderBlouse                       9       1     1     2      65       7.222
Petawatt                               14      0     2     1     137      9.786
Sea Cock                              8       0     1     2      44       5.500

Bottleneck                              7     1     0     2      47      6.714
The Baptist                            3      0     0     0      18      6.000
Wattinlaw                               2     0     0     0       8       4.000

Results of last 3 Games & Overall Table

3 more games, 3 more bad beats for The Gent

As I've fallen behind with posting results and reports, this post will provide an all-encompassing round up before normal service resumes (hopefully) after the next game this coming Saturday.

Unfortunately due to the passage of time, specific details of the games are too hazy to record, so I'll stick to sharing with the reader my own typically ludicrous bad beat ejections in this by now tiresome run of rotten poker fortune.

3rd last game - My pocket 7's were trumped by Wee Rambo's mighty 9-5 suited. Silly old me!!!
2nd last game - My AJ is no match for GingaRadge's QJ. What on earth was I thinking???
Last game - My Q9 suited got stung by a 7-2 off suit. The GingerRat striking again. Beggars belief.

Please can someone work out how I cannot win when going into a hand ahead, over and over again. The amount of times I'm beaten by worse cards simply isn't fair. Needless to say, the likelihood of me winning a hand from behind, when I can't win from ahead, is completely non existent.

Last 3 results:
1) Oui Rambo. 2) GingerRadge. 3) Dr Doctor. 4) Killawatt. 5) The Gent. 6) Petawarrior. 7) Robberneck.

1) DirtyGingerRat. 2) Wee Rambo. 3) The Gent. 4) L.He.Is. 5) Petawatt. 6) Sea Cock. 7) Dunderfuncle. 8) Killawatt.

1) Bottleneck (not a typo). 2) Sea Cockles. 3) Petawatt. 4) Killawatt. 5) GingaRat. 6) The Gentleman. 7) Wattinlaw (poker name pending). 8) Weewee Rambo. 9) Android.

Championship Table (NB: there is a statistical anomaly that I'll sort out in due course - extra last place)

9 games completed, half plus 1 = 5
                                                              Played     Wins     2nd     Last    Points    Ave
1. GingaPrince                                      9              3          1         0         122         13.556
2. Wee Rambo                                     6              1          2         1          71          11.833
3. The Doctor                                       5              1          0         0          57          11.400
4. Killawatt                                           9              1          2         2          92          10.222
5. Dunderfunk                                       6              1          0         2          35           5.833
6. The One True Gentleman of Poker   8             0          2         1*        98          12.250
7. Petawatt                                           9              0          0         0          84            9.333
8. Sea Cock                                         7              0          1         2          40            5.714

below half plus one

9. The Bonfire                                      4               1          1          0         45          11.250
10. Bottleneck                                      4               1          0          2         27           6.750
11. The Baptist                                     4              0           0          0         29           7.250
12. Wattinlaw                                       1              0           0          0          5            5.000

* I played two hands and came up against A's that held up both times.