Wednesday 27 June 2012

23/06/2012 - Result

Give someone else a chance ya greedy bas
1. Killawatt
2. The Doctor
3. The Raiser
4. GingaStinga
5. Petawatt
6. Bottleneck
7. Sea Cock
8. The Man with No Blouse

Apologies - The Damage (playing with over-sized garden toys), The Professor (has been disbanded), Wee Rambo (Beers were too cold).

Bottleneck was first to be dealt bullets and wet himself as Ol' Sea Cock declared the first all-in of the evening. But this duel ended all square as they played the board.

Omaha (or is that Oklahomaha) accounted for the first exit when Dunderfunk dunderfunked it up with 888 v the GingaStinga's KKK (racist twat). He left the arena £5 & two Wire boxed sets lighter which lifted my mood considerably.

Sea Cock, in the yelly jersey, fell off his bike next after being rammed by Killa, back riding on his lucky poker moped. It was one of those moments you especially love to be put out as your opponent reluctantly calls saying "I don't want to", but they fffffffffffffffffffffffffeckin well do anyway!!!!! A9 hearts was in the sailors hand and he was delighted to be up against K-10 also of hearts, but The PP$ Behemoth's luck is right back on track, a 10 showed up (remember this moment for later) and Ol' Sea Cock was up a creek without a paddle.

Bottleneck, whose game has gone backwards since victory earlier in the season could only manage 6th place. The first two players out are notorious for being under the thumb and needing to be home by 10pm, but the host had no such excuses with Madame away. In fairness, another tight one as his KQ off suit was beaten by The Doctor's K-10 suited, again, a dirty 10 popping up to do the damage.

Gentleman Petawatt, slipped out in 5th, a terrible finish by his usual standards. The Doctor had smugly hit a straight on the flop but came under attack from a man requiring running clubs to make his flush. One club arrived, but not the second.

With four players left, the Ginga Prince and The Raiser became entangled with QQ & 22 in a hand that flattened the formers evening. An AQ suited allowed him to get all his chips in v Killa, but a QQ is very nice in that situation, and that's what he had, and that's what ended Gingle Berries participation.

I'd managed to lose a couple of hands from ahead and not call from behind when I would have won the hand more than once and had been chided to start playing with rubbish. With just shy of 17,000 chips on the table I raised Killa's big, was re-raised and decided to put all my 5,700 behind a 10-8 off suit. I should have known I was doomed either way, the big hairy fairy turned over A8 and I was going to have to be a right ungentlemanly mofo to come back and claim that hand. I know I don't need to remind you that the 10 was being hit from behind earlier in the evening and I especially don't need to hark back a couple of games to when I had Wee Rambo trussed up like a fatted calf four times, twice in exactly this scenario only to be defiled in the most evil of ways. Since I don't need to remind you of this, I won't. Killa then told me 10-8 off suit was, quite obviously, far too good. One day, the penny shall drop I'm sure.

The Doctor with the yo-yo form was all that stood betwixt the reigning champ and the money. Earlier in the evening he'd been entertaining us with his famous party trick of going all the way in a massive hand with absolutely nothing, then realising at the showdown he'd had the nuts all along. How we love that one. The first heads up flash point arrived with the Doc all in with an A9 v Killa's A-3. Still wasn't good enough and resulted in a split pot. Then the crunch came, Killa held K2 and The Doc went in with 97. By the time a 9 came, The Champ had already hit a K, then went on to ram home his victory by pairing the 2 too!!!

When will Bottleneck get an end game? When will Pete get nasty? Which Doctor shall turn up next time? Will the author finally win and stop harping on about not being good enough bad beats? Find out next time at (TBA).

Friday 22 June 2012

09/06/2012 - Result

This is a Sea Cock
Gadzooks, the match report slipped my mind hence the delay. As details can often be innaccurate when reporting the following day, there may be some factual looseness hereonin!!!

Eight players took part. Bottleneck, currently playing like a poker version of Rangers lost all his chips in a hurry. No records were taken of the details allowing me to suggest he was put out so early it was 'before records began'.

Fans favourite The Raiser was next to suffer forced rear entry. Late to the game due to Gentlemanly commitments elsewhere he was unable to get a foothold before being shabbily treated by Dunderfunk. It must be noted that this particular bad beat in a heroic array of consecutive bad beats particularly stings and shall not be forgotten as my general poker bitterness increases by the game. In an attempt to scare rubbish cards off with my A and a paltry stack, the Corstorphine Chianti called with a 6-5 off suit purely to give me some chips. I had to put a cork on the hatred welling up inside as he hit a 5 without reply.

The foul mouthed Doctor's £5 elapsed next against Prince Gingle Berries. K4 suited became "f*&@ all in a cloud of f%#* all" against QQ. His words. Then there were five.

To my deepest disappointment Dunderfunk was next for the ejector seat. A big loss v Killawatt was followed next hand v GingaRadge whose A9 held up against A4.

Killawatt's involvement ceased when GingaRadge swarmed all over a K-10 with an AK. The former had all sorts of outs, but couldn't hit and left the game. This freed him up to provide his elite ongoing critique of the sub-standard play of those still in for the rest of the evening.

As usual, no mention of Petawatt until this point as he keeps his head down, stays out of trouble and then bleeds dry in 2nd or 3rd place. The Doctor's notes are not very clear on the details however the words "rampant f*%?fest" appear next to KK & JJ.

There also appears to be a hand involving Petawatt (66), Killawatt (K7) & GingaRadge (A6) to which the 'rampant ~fest' quote may apply. Could secretaries please take more care when noting game details in future?!?

An even better Sea Cock
Cash on the table time as Gingle Berries in a familiar position found himself against Sea Cock, a boat out of water in a heads up scenario if you don't mind mashed analogies too much. The smart money was on Ginga Prince, but Sea Cock was in a buddha like poker trance and coldly hunted down his more decorated opponent. The only notes I have are:

"Sea Cock 4-6's resplendant"
"GingaRadge - oof"

Good luck deciphering that. Sea Cock took the prize!!!

Next game is on Saturday 23rd June at the Rare Books Arena. Remember, this is a non-kitchen roll environment, so bring your own Thirst Pockets. Especially you Pete!!!