Up To Date Table

Half way through the year, half way through the season, has to be said, still anyone's championship. Half plus one is currently 5 games and shall remain so after next week (21st July @ Kev's Colosseum).

A machine for zapping Watts!!!!

                         P     W     2nd     L     Pts     Ave

Killawatt           7       2       0       0      92     13.14

GingaStinga     8        2       2       2      88     11.00

The Doctor       6       1       2        0      75     12.50

Wee Rambo     6       1        1      0       51      8.50

Bottleneck        7       1        0      3       45      6.43

Petawatt           8       0       1       0       87     10.88

The Raiser        8       0        2      1       74      9.25

Sea Cock         3       1        0       0      27      9.00

Dundertrump    4       0        0       2      17      4.25

Some stunning stats. Dunderfunk must decide if it's actually worthwhile qualifying with half + 1 this year. Could be a worst of all time. Conversely, The 2010 Champion has finished top 2 in half his games. One to watch. As has the GingaPrincess who is a model of consistency with form comparable to a monthly grenade blast!!! She (surely he) must look back on that defeat by Ol' Sea Cock with regret, it would have put her (him) into a very strong position. And as usual its the Colosseum owner who continues to ride his decade long wave of luck up the top.

23/06/2012 - Result

Give someone else a chance ya greedy bas

1. Killawatt
2. The Doctor
3. The Raiser
4. GingaStinga
5. Petawatt
6. Bottleneck
7. Sea Cock
8. The Man with No Blouse

Apologies - The Damage (playing with over-sized garden toys), The Professor (has been disbanded), Wee Rambo (Beers were too cold).

Bottleneck was first to be dealt bullets and wet himself as Ol' Sea Cock declared the first all-in of the evening. But this duel ended all square as they played the board.

Omaha (or is that Oklahomaha) accounted for the first exit when Dunderfunk dunderfunked it up with 888 v the GingaStinga's KKK (racist twat). He left the arena £5 & two Wire boxed sets lighter which lifted my mood considerably.

Sea Cock, in the yelly jersey, fell off his bike next after being rammed by Killa, back riding on his lucky poker moped. It was one of those moments you especially love to be put out as your opponent reluctantly calls saying "I don't want to", but they fffffffffffffffffffffffffeckin well do anyway!!!!! A9 hearts was in the sailors hand and he was delighted to be up against K-10 also of hearts, but The PP$ Behemoth's luck is right back on track, a 10 showed up (remember this moment for later) and Ol' Sea Cock was up a creek without a paddle.

Bottleneck, whose game has gone backwards since victory earlier in the season could only manage 6th place. The first two players out are notorious for being under the thumb and needing to be home by 10pm, but the host had no such excuses with Madame away. In fairness, another tight one as his KQ off suit was beaten by The Doctor's K-10 suited, again, a dirty 10 popping up to do the damage.

Gentleman Petawatt, slipped out in 5th, a terrible finish by his usual standards. The Doctor had smugly hit a straight on the flop but came under attack from a man requiring running clubs to make his flush. One club arrived, but not the second.

With four players left, the Ginga Prince and The Raiser became entangled with QQ & 22 in a hand that flattened the formers evening. An AQ suited allowed him to get all his chips in v Killa, but a QQ is very nice in that situation, and that's what he had, and that's what ended Gingle Berries participation.

I'd managed to lose a couple of hands from ahead and not call from behind when I would have won the hand more than once and had been chided to start playing with rubbish. With just shy of 17,000 chips on the table I raised Killa's big, was re-raised and decided to put all my 5,700 behind a 10-8 off suit. I should have known I was doomed either way, the big hairy fairy turned over A8 and I was going to have to be a right ungentlemanly mofo to come back and claim that hand. I know I don't need to remind you that the 10 was being hit from behind earlier in the evening and I especially don't need to hark back a couple of games to when I had Wee Rambo trussed up like a fatted calf four times, twice in exactly this scenario only to be defiled in the most evil of ways. Since I don't need to remind you of this, I won't. Killa then told me 10-8 off suit was, quite obviously, far too good. One day, the penny shall drop I'm sure.

The Doctor with the yo-yo form was all that stood betwixt the reigning champ and the money. Earlier in the evening he'd been entertaining us with his famous party trick of going all the way in a massive hand with absolutely nothing, then realising at the showdown he'd had the nuts all along. How we love that one. The first heads up flash point arrived with the Doc all in with an A9 v Killa's A-3. Still wasn't good enough and resulted in a split pot. Then the crunch came, Killa held K2 and The Doc went in with 97. By the time a 9 came, The Champ had already hit a K, then went on to ram home his victory by pairing the 2 too!!!

When will Bottleneck get an end game? When will Pete get nasty? Which Doctor shall turn up next time? Will the author finally win and stop harping on about not being good enough bad beats? Find out next time at (TBA).

Latest Table

Killa on a recent trip to Vegas

Despite being four games into the new season and having four different winners, the top of table already has a depressingly familiar look to it.

Half +1 is currently 3 games meaning that the two tailgunners at the foot of the table are included out of charity. I'll shave off under-attenders in a month or two as the standings really hot up. However H+1 will remain at 3 after the next game therefore possibly allowing Thunderfunk officially back into things should he be able to attend.

As we're still at an early stage, a single victory for anyone could make a massive shift in standings. Example: The Professor returns for the next game, wins and goes top with an ave of 20.000. Stranger things have happened (The Pussy Doctor has won an Annual Championship after all).


                                      P    W    2nd   L    Pts    Ave
Killawatt                        4      1      0     0     49    12.250
Bottleneck                     3      1      0     1     34     11.333
GingaPrince                   4      1      1     1     40     10.000
Wee Rambo                  4      1      0     0     27      6.750
The Raiser                     4      0      2     1     45     11.250
Petawatt                        4      0      0     0     45     11.250
The Gynaecologist         3      0      1     0     33     11.000
Sea Cock                      1      0      0     0      5       5.000
Daddy Dunkbucket        2     0      0     1      9       4.500

Feel free to keep an eye on your totals and double check my sums. If I get anything wrong I'll update it asap.

Saturday 28th January 2012

Winners all look the same to me

Result:
1. GingaStinga
2. The Doctor (seriously)
3. Petawatt
4. Killawatt
5. The Raiser
6. Sea Cock
7. Wee Rambo
8. Bottleneck

As Roger Daltrey still repeats to this day, 'Meet the new boss, same as the old boss'.

His Royal Radgeness obliterated allcomers at the Rare Books Arena on Saturday leading your humble scribe to suspect that we may be at a PP$ juncture, a handing over of power, a changing of the guard, which ultimately is a return to the same old same old...

PP$ at a Crossroad?

Having seemingly realised that going all-in, always, with anything just isn't a successful tactic, the GingaStinga has tweaked his game in recent weeks. The aggression is still there for sure as are the big chip moves, but there has been a subtle tweaking to an as yet unidentified part of his game that this observer believes may be the end of the KillaWatt golden era.

While KillaWatt utilised his unbelievable luck as always, making lucky mis-reads and suchlike and mid-game was positioned nicely for his customary theft of the money, he fizzled out in 4th looking a shadow of his 2011 poker self. Unlikely as it may seem, it was left to a resurgent Doctor to push the StingingGing over the finishing line.

It's only taken about 3 years for the penny to drop, but I'd like to take some credit in the downfall of the Director of Jay & Silent Bob after last week's Internet-hate campaign where I beseeched people not to give their feckin chips to Kev!!!! In the beginning, this was happening but on a much smaller basis than previously and no doubt 7 players had my high pitched whinging in their mind when they were in a hand with the previously Infallible One.

Earlier, Bottleneck yelped in pain when his Q-J high, heart flush was beasted by the Ginga ones massively superior A-K high heart flush. Being dealt the first two pocket A's of the new season couldn't save the host and he was forced to sit in pain for the rest of the evening as his vanquisher went on to pocket the pennies.

Wee Rambo continues with his cunning strategy of making us think he's shit. This time he went out holding A-8 (58.96%) against your narrator's K-9 (40.7%), a bit unlucky for sure. Probably a case of trying not to be in that position in the first place which is easier said than done. Or, better to be lucky than good!!!

Sea Cock had a ship to catch as usual. Killawatt was the first to hear the foghorn and tried to get the former Buoy's chips. Unfortunately I cannot recall exactly how he was sunk.

The greatest player never to have won the title went out in 5th when Ginga's low pair tripped me. But not before some mad hands. With an 8-8-3 flop, Dean made me put down 10-10 with some big raising and then assuring me he'd have gone all the way with his very own 10-10. Too loose for me. Earlier, despite not having bought a pot for months and doing everything possible to show I'm never at it any more, my re-raising of Kev's raise was met with him re-raising again, all pre-flop. It made me put down 10-10. He declared he thought I was at it (he held a more than respectable, BUT BEHIND, A-Q/J) and we chased the rabbit. Naturally the first card out was a 10. Hmmm. Revenge was magnificent though. For the first time this century I played with a J-6, my allegedly lucky hand and was able to bet Killa off of his very own fave hand, a K-9 which had hit and would have held up. Thigh slapping jocularity all round.

Once the reigning champ was deposited on the scrapheap of history in 4th place, his online-tournament-ingrained sibling maintained his place high/fizzle out pattern bleeding dry one hand after a final double up from a low stack. To win, you have to be willing to risk losing young man. But don't listen to me, what do I know about winning titles.

With two players left it was always going to be the Radge's prize. The Doctor, with tears rolling down his cheeks and the crowds singing his name was simply delighted just to be back in a heads-up situation. His Anus Horribilus (sic) was tough for us all. However, the achilles heel was still evident. For some reason, anytime the good Doctor wins a hand, he feels he has to lose all his chips before the next two hands have elapsed. Fortunately for him, he'd survived this induced psychosis earlier in the evening and made it to the final two.

No date for the next outing yet. What is clear though is that one or two players are already chasing their half-plus-one.

Apologies: The Professor (unable to leave almost-Kelso three times in the same day), Da Blouse (in the burns unit at ERI due to flash fire at Blouse Burning Ceremony), The Damage (unwilling to put in the hours of travel).

2011 - Final Table

Killawatt leading the Final Table!!!

Points of note:

• Absolutely no change in positions from the last table although Da Blouse only just managed, by finishing 8th, to hold off The Raiser who would have moved up from 5th to 3rd with a win instead of a RU spot.
• Bottleneck finished 4th on the Points Table, 5th in the Averages Table but only 7th where it matters most!!!
• After compiling the penultimate table, I chucked out the 'results sheet'. Therefore I can't include a runners-up/heads-up column as requested by GingaStinga. I'll include it for 2012 onwards.
• 17 games played, 17 wins in the win column. This confirms Wee Rambo did win a game. It may have been a 5-player and may not have felt like a full-on PP$ is all I can say to your claims not to have won a game. I'm absolutely positive you did. If I wasn't your win column would say 0 quicker than it takes GingaStinga to pot re-raise with a middling pair.
• If The Prof had played one more game, the race for the wooden spoon with The Doc would have been interesting.
• If the table was sorted by average points, GingaStinga would have finished second last.
• The Doctor goes from Hero to Zero.

                              P     W     L    Pts    Ave

Killawatt                 17     9     2     260    15.294
Petawatt                 15     2     0     195    13.000
GingaStinga             9     2     3      78      8.667
Da Blouse                9     1     0      93     10.33
The Raiser              16     1     2    164    10.25
The Buoy                  9     1     2     81     9.000
Bottleneck               15     0     2    136    9.067
The Doctor              14     0     2     80     5.714

Wee Rambo           4     1     2     22    5.500
Beef Razor             1     0     0     10    10.000
The Damage           1     0     0      8      8.000
Nico                        1     0     0      8      8.000
The Professor        8     0     2     45     5.625
Liam                      1     0     1     0      0.000

2011 Championship Game Result

A 'fool array' of PP$ talent was on display with a capacity turnout at the C&FW Services Ltd Colosseum (formerly Kev's Colosseum) on Saturday night. The hostess ran away with it again pocketing two trophies and the top prize of 100 golden shekels. Result:

Kevin (Smith) & the Trophy (wife)

1. Killawatt
2. The Raiser
3. Bottleneck
4. Petawatt
5. The Buoy
6. GingaStinga
7. The Professor
8. Da Blouse
9. The Doctor
10. Wee Rambo

Before the hostilities commenced

The match started on time at 20.45ish. With little room to manoeuvre both physically and metaphorically, the early period of the game elapsed without too much in the way of excitement. There was little room to bluff with ten sharks present and the first raiser with decent cards tended to take it down. Petawatt did inject a flurry of excitement when he won two hands in a row with KoJak. Not content with such a subtle enhancement of the evening, he then proceeded to pour two 'shots' of JagerBomb, for, I have just realised, the players that subsequently finished 1st & 2nd!!! Having scaled back the measures on complaint from the recipients to a more sensible level, Petawatt proceeded to make himself a pint of the stuff. One to watch.

An early pattern surfaced when it emerged that three or four players weren't in a position to play too long into the Sabbath. One of this faction, Wee Rambo uncovered this truth going hard at Da Blouse with decent cards, Da Blouse puffing 'ach well, I'll get brownie points if I go home now' and calling. This signalled the warning that some players were already in different gears. The breaching of Wee Rambo's hull took place at this point and he began to sink slowly and inexorably towards the bottom and tenth place. Behaviouralists are showing concern with Wee Rambo. After bursting onto the PP$ scene with impeccable cards and chat, his fragile confidence deflates at the first sign of anything these days. Chin up squire, when you're at rock bottom, there's only one direction left to travel!!!

2010 Champion, Dr 'Doc' The Doctor was ecstatic at Wee Rambo's departure. Habitually keeping Last Place warm for the bulk of 2011, it now meant that 2nd Last was his for the taking and take it he did after the Munchy Break when he took part in an 'All-in frenzy' involving Bottleneck, GingaStinga & Megawatt (if memory serves correctly).  J-J wasn't enough in that bitchfight. The Doctor duly retreated to shuffling and dealing duties. The gentleman of the table for sure. Chin up squire, when you're at rock bottom, there's only one direction left to travel!!!!

Is there an echo in here or somefink?

The Bonnie Princess over the water

During the break PP$ Founding member The Damage appeared through the ether from Merca (c) G.W.Bush, to hover wistfully at the table for a short period, holding what looked suspiciously like a Baby. So there was some talk of pacifiers and daipers before Daddys Little Princess commenced defecating, spewing and demanding food, hastening his spectral departure.

Back in Cairdsville, Midlothian, Petawatt initially built a decent pile of 50's to take the early lead. In time they seeped elsewhere in the table, then Killawatt began to steadily accumulate some phallic stacks. This meant there still wasn't much loose change sloshing about and it soon began to tell as chipstacks generally dwindled and big decisions began to be made automatically.

Next out was Da Blouse (claiming to be giving the blouse a final public display before torching it. Hopefully his next blouse is also a blouse and not a shirt or we may well be calling another meeting of the New Nickname Committee which has recently been rather overworked. Hopefully we can get some photo's of the arson here with him burning his blouse (geddit?)). Seasoned observers felt little sympathy as his King-hi straight met Killa's Ace-hi straight. Andy Andy'd!!! One of the truly great sentences.

The Professor, just missing out on a coveted Annual Table League Position by coming up one attendance short took his leave in 7th place, another victim of the Bridge Street Butcher. A-2 was OK pre-flop, but a J-high flop helped Killawatt's J-7 and The Prof was sausages.

Doubledeath next when GingaStinga (Q-7) & The Buoy (K-10) piled the last of their chips into a pot. The Butcher of Bridge Street (K-J) swithered, before his macabre lust for blood hastened his participation. His cleaver fell sickeningly on the necks of two more victims, The Buoy finishing 5th due to having more chips to donate in the hand. And then there were 4.

Baubles & Bawbees were now placed on the table to strike dismay into the heart of the next man out. Killa/Butcher/Hostess/Champion Elect was by now barely visible behind his (/her?) ill gotten gains meaning a  pathetic scratching about by the remaining poker paupers. Petawatt (Q-Q) had little choice but to dive in against The Raiser holding a somewhat ironic K-J which apologetically came from behind to dump Petawatt out in the harshest position in such a big money game. At least solace could be sought that his bloodthirsty sibling hadn't dealt the final blow.

This left Bottleneck with about 1200-1800, The Raiser 3000-3500 and Killawatt the rest (c16k). Bottleneck couldnt last long, the by now infamous lack of an EndGame being sweetened a little with 20 cybershekels in compensation as he exited with 8-9 which hit nothing against Killa's J-7 which Andy'd itself into a Full Hoose.

Roll up, roll up for the biggest game of the year

Heads up was a Neo v Manuel mash-up scenario with me as your friendly spanish waiter (que???). First hand, me Big with J-3 got pot re-raised & folded. Next hand I folded 10-3 on the Small, Killa not even having to look at his cards which forced me into an 'all-in blind' next hand versus a 'call blind' from Keanu. The Raisers 9-7 turned into 2pair, 9-9-7-7, but this was royally soiled by KingKilla's A-8 which made like Hunter S Thompson and got all trippy on me.

In summation, a Killawatt victory was both deserved and apt. I shall add the Final Table in due course, but as from now, we're all level again and I suspect 2012 is finally going to be my year.

We usually get another game organised before the end of Jan to kick off the new league campaign, so if the Rare Books Arena & Kev's Colosseum (naming rights purchased for one game only) staff can meet for a Facilities Committee Meeting asap to get something organised, hopefully I'll see most of you again soon.



Apologies: The Damage (Joined the Preisthood), Nico (probably back in France), Liam (Still hurting), Ricketts (Missing Presumed Dead), Callous Callis (On the run), BeefRazor (Eating pizza), Paul (Still barred).

Saturday 19th November 2011

Venue - Kev's Colossuem

Winner - Killawatt
2nd - Megawatt
3rd - The Raiser
4th - Nico
5th - The Doctor
Wooden Spoon - Bottleneck

Apologies: Ginga Radge (Pyjama Party), The Damage (Continentally Challenged), Da Blouse (M.I.A.), Milroy (Hot Date), The Professor (Fed up losing Fivers?), Wee Rambo (Bad Attitude).

Bottleneck produced a willing fivergiver in the form of Nico, an apparent newcomer to the Great Game. With a Hand Ranking scrawled upon a post-it and the usual impeccable standard of advice from various regulars in either fluent French (The Doctor/Bottleneck) or remedially slow and over-pronounced English (The Raiser/Killawatt), the newbie quickly acclimatised establishing a very conservative game.

Bottleneck fell first straight after the munchy break, continuing his gentlemanly insistence on allowing others to win. The Doctor was next to hit the baize chin-first after an earlier previous attempt to go all-in and crash out (against Megawatt's 9-9-9-9) which was scuppered when the latter mis-bet in a four of a kind panic.

Our nouveau French friend rolled over in 4th place, it goes without saying that it's a great result in our shark pit. By this time Megawatt had built up a bit of a chip lead, Killawatt had fluctuated a bit without being able to assert his championship authority, although it was around now The Raiser's chip stack began to build with a rough chip share of 50%-25%-25% (Raiser-Watt-Watt).

The Raiser shall now indulge himself!!!

Killawatt, after expertly managing to put down Q-10 with a 10-4-4 flop v The Raiser earlier (who held and raised A-10), a pot re-raise by The Raiser allowed him to re-raise with A-K, all-in for about 3,800. The Raiser could cover it and keep 300 in defeat or put out The Unputoutable One!!! The Raiser called with 10-10 dreading that the Killa had a higher pair, instead, it was a 'Classic Texas Hold 'em Coin Flip'. The Unputoutable One suddenly doubled up, The Raiser left clinging onto 3x100 chips.

Next hand The Raiser was BB, which was 600, so all-in again. This time a 3-4 off suit which 'held up', doubling up His Grumpiness to BB level.

Next hand The Dealer deals The Raiser 9-9 and he's all-in, third hand in a row. Megawatt raises all-in with gash (might have had an A) and Killawatt calls with a feckin 10-10 (see 2 hands ago), which feckin holds up. And that was that!!!