2013 Championship Decider

10 x 10 =

Saturday 4th January 2014 was the day deemed fit to host this most momentous of contests in the Scottish sporting calendar. Kev's Colosseum welcomed a capacity crowd of 10 with the 2013 Championship Trophy still within the grasp of four players.

They were Championship leader The Doctor (3 wins in 2013), past champion The Ging'r Radge (2 wins) and Championship virgins, The Bondi Bonfire (2 wins) & Wee Rambo (2 wins). Two other players with 2 wins, PP$ hall-of-famers Dunderfunkin & Killawatt had averages that couldn't overcome that of the table topping Doctor no matter the result of this game.

Things at the opposite end of the table were decided, much to the delight of The One True Gentleman and Petawatt, purely by the appearance of Sea Cock, his attendance tipping him into half-plus-one qualification for the Final Table. His wretched average ensured he couldn't overhaul the averages of the former two even with a win, unless there was a sudden unforeseen alteration to the laws of mathematics. He'll be stirring his soup with a 'widden spin' for the next twelve months!!!

At stake was the ultimate prize in World Poker, the PP$ Annual Championship Trophy. But as this was the Championship Game, there is also the Tenner Game Trophy. And not only that, but ten tenners for the winner and Amazon vouchers for 2nd and 3rd place courtesy of match sponsors, K & FW Services.

The game began at a measured pace, but also, the bombs began to flow. These early incendiaries probably laying the foundations for the explosive carnage that arrived later. First up was a 'family' round of as yet unnamed Cointreau bombs in a Perry perimeter. Boosh!!!

Petawatt in laptop frenzy

Around this time the attendees were treated to a vintage performance by slapdash local comedian, Petawatt who launched into a frenzied assault on his poor laptop with glass based ornaments elevating past clumsiness to a new level. These performances make the anticipation of the next game, and his next routine, a mouth-watering prospect. Hopefully he could devise something with a tray of knives or some live cables (or indeed both) to keep the entertainment level high. And still they let this man ride a bike at speeds down hills.

Not long after being dragged away from his fliptop portal, Petawatt showed the first (and only) bullets of the evening. On his right, Rambo the Younger was busy building large stacks of 10's.

With the word 'sober' leaving the building as a relevant word, the Omaha hands began to rattle some chips around the table and to be honest, details of the game I didn't actually note down (exit hands only) become very sketchy quite early.

The odd K-J or A-suited kept my own whingeing levels low and also brought a hand or two to kick the granny into touch. The Doctor, trying to concentrate his purty little ass off was simply making a new raft of mistakes, getting people to play before it was their turn and that sort of thing (no prizes for guessing the victim of his vein-popping, swivel eyed aggression...). In His Regal Corner, on His Regal Throne, Killawatt was showing all the signs of increasing imbibification as his volume control spiralled to 11 and beyond.

10th place. Last place. First oot. Call it what you will. It went to Bottleneck. Getting drawn into an Omaha all-in with a pair of K's, Captain Birdseye blew him out the water with a hand I have in my notes as "(CL)". Any decipherification welcome.

Mid match, when the drink was a-talkin

And then things went pear-shaped. A cock-up by the Doctor, I mean Dealer, nope, same thing, resulted in a player being all-in before another player realised he hadn't been dealt a hand. Killawatt then went on a long discussion with himself about what he'd decided should happen, and when an alternate view was belatedly and politely proposed before a 'steamroller vote' (actual term used by the opposition), lets just say debate was had for a lengthy period. It was eventually resolved against Killawatt's opinion, but at least we could move on.

Then about two hands later, just after Killawatt had lost a chunk of chips to your Dear Narrator, two cards from that deck were found in the 'other' deck (PP$ uses two decks), the now well on his way to Nuggetsville Killawatt went airborne demanding a redeal and the 'lengthy discussions' were back on and worse than before.

GingaSlam

It is difficult to say who was apoplectic and who was poorless with laughter at all this, but when the dust finally settled and the game recommenced, within a couple of hands The Ginger Prince was all-in. This hand, the details of which maybe never even went into my head on the night, turned into what my notes refer to as a "Total Chip Stramash". The Prince of Gingia lost the hand and in the blizzard of bombs, misdeals, histrionics and hilarity, was out of the game, out of the championship and before Bottleneck could say 'lets get the fox outta here', The GingaRadge had exited the building.

The Championship would not be returning to Rullion Road. A young girl would be devastated. That's poker luv!!! We all hate it too. Hopefully Daddy didny smash too many holes in the wall when he got home.

Former and still occasional chianti, Dunderfunk took his leave in 8th place at the hands of a resurgent Doctor whose A-3 was enough for the paltry 4-6 off suit. He was followed in 7th place by Sea Cock who charged in behind an A-J to find Wee Rambo holding A-Q.

Killawatt was in soapy bubble around this time but majorly doubled-up against Wee Rambo when his A-3 trumped the latters K-3.

Petawatt went out in 6th with a perfectly respectable A-K but The Doctor edged him out with pocket 9's. No help for either on the board meant a slipping back into the middle placings for the winner of the penultimate game of the season.

With half the field now smoted into 2013 poker oblivion, 3 players were still on for the title with myself and Killawatt only able to cause pain and havoc for the hopefuls. Things soon moved on apace as these players found themselves in this hand;

J-J     Killawatt (all-in)
A-Q   Wee Rambo (all-in)
A-K   The Bonfire (praying-to-a-God-he-hadn't-previously-believed-in)

Killa led after the flop before a killer bullet appeared on the turn. Killawatt was out. Wee Rambo was out. While Shantanamo Gay moved to the cusp of PP$ Championship Dreamland. But the Doctor was still lurking.

Suddenly it was The Last Three. Readies and baubles onto the baize time. The culmination of a year of poker pain. Whatever the outcome, the gaudy prize would be leaving the 'Cuik for Auld Reekie.

The One True Gentleman and The Gynaecologist soon locked horns with the latter all-in. With starting hands not in the notes, all I have is "beaten from ahead" and "hit a 9". As I was the victor, I can only hazily recall that my A-9 trumped his pocket pair. I'm happy to be reminded/corrected.

2013 PP$ Champion

And so the title went to the great-great bastarding offspring of Australia's most notorious outlaw. Somewhat fitting, but there was still the small matter of the heads-up to be resolved betwixt Ned Kelly & Ned Frazerio.

The concluding hand of the 2013 season played itself out soon after. Your Humble Scribe, the former Jack-Six, the former The Raiser, the current One True Gentleman of Poker (only the cards, not the chat) found himself with the arme de choix of the slain Killawatt, the controversial K-9, and shoved. And The Bonfire bit straight back with a K-10. While my poker luck has turned for sure this last season, it hasn't turned that much and it was fireworks time around The Bonfire.


2013 Championship Match - Result

1. The Bondi Bonfire
2. The One True Gentleman of Poker
3. The Doctor
4. Wee Rambo
5. Killawatt
6. Petawatt
7. Sea Cock
8. Dunderfunk
9. GingaRadge
10. Bottleneck

Final Table - 2013

                             P     W   2nd    L    Pts      Ave
Shantanamo Gay  11     3     2     0    134     12.182
The Doctor          14     3     1     2     149    10.643
Wee Rambo          9     2     2     1     114    12.667
GingaRadge         16     2     2     1     167    10.438
Killawatt              17     2     3     4     152     8.941
Dunderfunk          12     2     1     2      96      8.000
The Gentleman     16     1     3     1     171    10.688
Petawatt              17     1     2     1     178    10.471
Sea Cock              9     0     1     2     51        5.667

Bottleneck            8      1      0      3     47     5.875
The Baptist           3      0      0      0      6      6.000
Wattinlaw             2      0      0      0      4      2.000



December 2013 Result, for which there was no report:
1. Petawatt  2. The Doctor  3. GingaRadge  4. The Bonfire  5. Dunderfunkin  6. The Gent  7. Killawatt

November result and Overall Table

Second win of the season for D'oh D'oh Dunkin.

Due to 'administrative' errors a slightly under populated sixsome contested an OFFICIAL game at Kev's Colosseum earlier this month. The result wiz:

1. DunderDonut
2. Shantanamo Gay
3. Petawatt
4. Dr 'Spreadum'
5. The Gent
6. Killawatt

Making this the latest championship table:

15 games played (8 h+1)        P    Wins     2nd     Last     Pts     Ave

The Doctor                            12      3        0          2       119    9.917
Wee Rambo                           8       2        2          1       101   12.625
The Bonfire                            9       2         2         0        105   11.667
GingaStinga                           14      2         2         1        153   10.929
Killawatt                                 15      2        3         3        141    9.400
Dunderfunk                            10      2        1         2         85     8.500
The One True Gentleman      14      1        2         1        151   10.786
Petawatt                                15      0        2         1        149    9.933
Sea Cock                               8       0        1         2         44     5.500

Bottleneck                              7      1        0        2          47      6.714
The Baptist                             3      0        0        0          18      6.000
Wattinlaw                               2      0        0        0           8       4.000

November Remember

Apologies to the legions of PP$ fans all over the globe who've had to go without my regular bad beat whinges. Whilst the blog may have fallen behind, the jotting down of results through a hazy drunken blur onto scraps of paper continued and this blog shall not only update, but also correct an earlier error (middle game from the last post was a repeat from 11th May result).

Since the last online update, I have some truly amazing news. On the evening of the 7th September, your humble narrator assuaged a smidgeon of the pain of 'The Winless Years' with a victory which brought little enjoyment, but at least some relief from some of the joke ejections I've had to suffer for longer than I'm able to remember. There was also a rare victory for veteran PP$ wooden spooner The Bottleneck. Elsewhere Petawatt has finished 2nd twice. Third time lucky?

Below are all the results from the 8 games played SINCE 22nd June's post (therefore, completely ignore the results in the 15th August post).

1. Wee Rambo  2. GingaRadge  3. The Doctor  4. Killawatt  5. The Gentleman  6. Petawatt  7.  Bottleneck

1. The Doctor  2. GingaRadge  3. The Gentleman  4. Da Blouse  5. Wee Rambo  6. Petawatt  7. Bonfire  8. Sea Cock  9. Killawatt  10. Bottleneck

1. Bottleneck  2. Sea Cock  3. Petawatt  4. Killawatt  5. GingaRadge  6. The Gentleman  7. Watt-in-law  8. Wee Rambo  9. Da Blouse

1. Wee Rambo  2. Petawatt  3. GingaRadge  4. Bonfire  5. Killawatt  6. The Gentleman  7. Da Blouse  8. The Doctor

1. Killawatt  2. Wee Rambo  3. GingaRadge  4. Petawatt  5. Sea Cock  6. The Doctor

1. The Gentleman  2. Da Blouse  3. Petawatt  4. Bottleneck  5. The Doctor  6. GingaRadge  7. Killawatt

1. The Doctor  2. Petawatt  3. Killawatt  4. The Gentleman  5. Bonfire  6. Watt-in-law  7. GingaRadge

1. Bonfire  2. Killawatt  3. The Gentleman  4. Bottleneck  5. The Doctor  6. GingaRadge  7. Da Blouse  8. Petawatt

The up to date and accurate Championship Table shall now be revealed.

                                            P     Wins     2nd     Last     Pts     Ave

The Doctor                          11      3     0     2     111     10.090
Wee Rambo                         8       2     2     1     101     12.625
The Bonfire                           8       2     1     0      89      11.125
GingaRadge                         14     2     2     1     153     10.929
Killawatt                               14      2     3     2     141     10.070
The One True Gentleman    13     1     2     1     147     11.308
DunderBlouse                       9       1     1     2      65       7.222
Petawatt                               14      0     2     1     137      9.786
Sea Cock                              8       0     1     2      44       5.500

Bottleneck                              7     1     0     2      47      6.714
The Baptist                            3      0     0     0      18      6.000
Wattinlaw                               2     0     0     0       8       4.000

Results of last 3 Games & Overall Table

3 more games, 3 more bad beats for The Gent

As I've fallen behind with posting results and reports, this post will provide an all-encompassing round up before normal service resumes (hopefully) after the next game this coming Saturday.

Unfortunately due to the passage of time, specific details of the games are too hazy to record, so I'll stick to sharing with the reader my own typically ludicrous bad beat ejections in this by now tiresome run of rotten poker fortune.

3rd last game - My pocket 7's were trumped by Wee Rambo's mighty 9-5 suited. Silly old me!!!
2nd last game - My AJ is no match for GingaRadge's QJ. What on earth was I thinking???
Last game - My Q9 suited got stung by a 7-2 off suit. The GingerRat striking again. Beggars belief.

Please can someone work out how I cannot win when going into a hand ahead, over and over again. The amount of times I'm beaten by worse cards simply isn't fair. Needless to say, the likelihood of me winning a hand from behind, when I can't win from ahead, is completely non existent.

Last 3 results:
1) Oui Rambo. 2) GingerRadge. 3) Dr Doctor. 4) Killawatt. 5) The Gent. 6) Petawarrior. 7) Robberneck.

1) DirtyGingerRat. 2) Wee Rambo. 3) The Gent. 4) L.He.Is. 5) Petawatt. 6) Sea Cock. 7) Dunderfuncle. 8) Killawatt.

1) Bottleneck (not a typo). 2) Sea Cockles. 3) Petawatt. 4) Killawatt. 5) GingaRat. 6) The Gentleman. 7) Wattinlaw (poker name pending). 8) Weewee Rambo. 9) Android.

Championship Table (NB: there is a statistical anomaly that I'll sort out in due course - extra last place)

9 games completed, half plus 1 = 5
                                                              Played     Wins     2nd     Last    Points    Ave
1. GingaPrince                                      9              3          1         0         122         13.556
2. Wee Rambo                                     6              1          2         1          71          11.833
3. The Doctor                                       5              1          0         0          57          11.400
4. Killawatt                                           9              1          2         2          92          10.222
5. Dunderfunk                                       6              1          0         2          35           5.833
6. The One True Gentleman of Poker   8             0          2         1*        98          12.250
7. Petawatt                                           9              0          0         0          84            9.333
8. Sea Cock                                         7              0          1         2          40            5.714

below half plus one

9. The Bonfire                                      4               1          1          0         45          11.250
10. Bottleneck                                      4               1          0          2         27           6.750
11. The Baptist                                     4              0           0          0         29           7.250
12. Wattinlaw                                       1              0           0          0          5            5.000

* I played two hands and came up against A's that held up both times.

Result - Date a bit foggy

1st & 2nd keep it real

1. Killawatt
2. The One True Gentleman
3. The Doctor
4. Funkin Donut
5. GingaRadge
6. The Baptist
7. Petawatt
8. Wee Rambo

Apologies: The Damage (destroyed), The Bonfire (deflamed), Bottleneck (demobbed).

Spotted rubbing himself against a new moped in the street just moments before the game, Wee Rambo's mind appeared to be elsewhere for this match. The Baptist took care of him early in an over/under full hoose showdown, but unfortunately missed the opportunity to enact his moniker.

With decades of top half finishes under his belt, Petawatt finally went on the attack early (as in, before he absolutely has to) and suffered fatally when his larger bro produced a K6 to sprinkle some tinkle all over the former's Q6.

The Baptist sashayed his way into 6th after coming up against a resurrected Dunderfunk who'd come back from the deid more than once. An incredulous crowd watched on as The Baptist turned a 10-2 which actually wasn't too bad against The Donut's Q3.

5th went to Championship pacesetter, the indigenous Scot and one time flanker, Mr Prince of Gingia. Going blind against Dunderfunk's QJ, he turned over an A5, but the cairds only brought a 5 after the Q's had paired and he was on the poker buroo.

The term 'Andylanche' was coined at this juncture to describe the destruction foisted upon PP$'rs by the resurgent Corstorphinite. With four players left and no ill luck to yet complain about, let me begin now.

On the one hand, the exit of Dunderfunk in 4th was good for your inward-looking scribe, but the path to his exit doubled up both my remaining opponents, the canny Killawatt and er, The Doctor. However those two fought each other as I cowered meekly in a corner. With The Doc all-in, his J9 couldnt overcome Killa's A5. Nowt came. Then there were two.

Then something extraordinary happened!!! I doubled up from behind!!!! Quite remarkable!!!!!

Twisny to last though. Those chortlesome Poker God's were soon up to their old ways tricking me all-in with 66. Smugawatt had no choice with a 10-10 and I'm surprised we even flopped the deck to confirm my latest  penniless demise.

Result - Saturday 11th May

The Ginger Prince

Regular readers will be relieved to know that I have absolutely nothing to complain about this week. Down to the last three of an 8 player game, with just 2.5x my starting chips and supremely fortunate to be the first player hit for the big blind when it leapt from 1k/2k to 2k/4k I stupidly committed with a piddly wee AJ which was obviously far too pathetically weak to contest the QJ of Gingle Berries. The Q came on the flop of course, propelling Auburn Audrey up to chip leader. No complaints at all from me. Obviously.

Next hand the game was over when the Prince of Gingia's 10-6 smashed down Wee Rambo's Q-5 giving the former his second victory of the season and the outright lead in the 2013 (yet to be published) overall table. Two hands, two jammy draws, job done. Just one thing, er, when is it my turn fokkers?

1. Gingle Berries
2. Wee Rambo
3. The One True Gentleman of Poker
4. The Baptist
5. Petawatt
6. Sea Cock
7. Dunderblouse
8. Overthehillawatt

Apologies: The Gynaecologist (Wedding drinking), Bottleneck (Whereabouts unknown), The Bonfire (part-timer) The Damage (New world), Ricketts (rickets).

Earlier on, Wee Rambo had become the first recipient of bullets, ensuring they held up with a pre-flop bulldoze. Around this he was able to build up large piles of chips probably resulting in chip dominance for around the first half of the contest. This was eventually dented when Sea Cock cuckolded him into an unwanted call that doubled up the ever dangerous resident of Gilmerton. GingaStinga also benefitted from some bullets whilst shittest player in attendance, The One True Gentleman of Poker managed 'put down of the night' taking a while to muck his raised KJ which was then re-raised by Killawatt's KQ.

With all bodies making it to the munchy break (where munch of the year so far, some choco-raspo-fudge concoction was supplied by Mrs I.Am), certain chip stacks were diminishing whilst the likes of Wee Rambo and Dunderblouse (brushing off Fritzl/Castro aspersions) made the best of the early running.

Last place was occupied by fallen champion Killawatt, but, without any shame as he raised hard with his pocket 3's. Unable to shake off Wee Rambo behind AJ, the J on the flop put paid to the host.

With an eye on the clock, pacemaker Dunderfunk began to edge towards the trapdoor. Finding a 6-6 he pretty much demanded I called, which I had to with my AK. But an equally homeward bound Sea Cock was still to act and decided to have a punt with J-10. At exactly this moment, in poker heaven, the toast popped, the phone rang, the doorbell went and there was a noise in the back garden all at the same time, conveniently distracting the poker gods who've so had it in for me for so long. This allowed a K to arrive enhancing my already leading cairds, giving me a mega treble-up. Dunderfunk was on the tram back to Auld Reekie and Captain Birdseye was gasping for oxygen.

Sea Cock's demise soon rocked up in the form of AQ. Finding himself up against 4-2 (Wee Rambo) and A6 (Petawatt), a side pot was formed. The side pot was taken by Wee Rambo and Petawatt snaffled the main one. Sea Cock was oot which disappointed Gingastinga in particular as it meant both of his lifts home had expired.

Petawatt was dancing to his usual routine being bled down to loose change and even as far as 'a chip n a chair' territory. The crunch came as inevitably as it does forcing him in behind an 8-4 off suit. The Baptist scalped him, at the same time ensuring a first ever top half finish for himself.

But this was far enough for the Baptist. Having manfully accepted a run of beats whilst holding stuff like AQ, his exit came after his A3 was defeated by Wee Rambo's extremely ungentlemanly J2 with a flopped Jack. Then we were down to three players, incongruous blinds, regulation luck/form and back to the top of the report.

Saturday 20th April - Result

W.T.F.

The fourth game of the 2013 season took place at Kev's Colosseum on Saturday night and provided confusion in spades. And yes, The Gynaecologist was the flapping hose in the middle of it.

Nine players turned up, all keen to discover which harsh set of circumstances the Poker Gods would deign to smote me with this week. The baying mob wouldn't be disappointed. But more on that in a short while.

The game was won by part time attendee Mr D Donuts in a display mixed with some good play (self assessment) and a stunning run of winning hands defying cold hard odds time after time (external assessments). Starting at the end of the game and working backwards, we shall begin with the final hand of the evening.

The Bonfire was dealt QQ and slid the last of his stack into the pot. He found himself up against the Donut's K-4. A cowboy arrived on the flop, settling the hand and the match. Donut victorious. Nothing (toooo) outrageous on that hand alone even if he was nearly a 3-1 underdog.

Petawatt had departed in third place (I know, total shock eh?), also a victim of the Donut Monster. Petawatt liked his KJ. Then he loved it when he found he was against Q-10. Then two Q's arrived on the flop and that was that. Donut win from 2-1 underdog this time. Hmmm, the case for the prosecution is mounting your honour!!!

Your humble scribe finished in 4th place allowing two narratives to neatly conspire. As those in the know, know, I'm somewhere amidst a lengthy run of apparent bad luck stretching back further now than I care to remember. This combined with Da Blouse's unarguably skilful way of defying odds on the night plunged me once again into bewildered despair. Having seemingly timed my all-in to perfection by pushing behind a Q-4 to find myself against his Q-3 (chances of winning 22%), the arrival of another 3 was quite hilarious.

With 5 players left, Petawatt had been forced into an all-in behind a 10-10 and found himself against Dunderfunk's J-9. Somehow the best cards held up in this showdown and Petawatt managed to live to be shafted later on.

So far we have 2nd, 3rd and 4th place all ejected by Da Blouse's inferior cards. Working on through the placings we now arrive at 5th place. This position was occupied by the GingaRadge. He was skilfully ejected by Mr Donut's A3 as it skilfully hit a 3 on the flop to skilfully beat the Radge's AJ. How unskilful of the GingaRadge I'm sure we can all agree. What was he thinking?

Behind five times, dominated TWICE, victorious five times. Skill!!! Skill???

Ron Swanson - perplexed too

The Doctor perished in 6th place in a manner that allows me to gleefully revisit old moans. First to act after the blinds, he pot raised to 1500 leaving himself with 300. He made this unnecessary and out of position move with a Q-10. Your narrator, next to act after finding bullets in the hole, went all in (1800 total). The rest folded, but The Doctor, unbowed by someone who only goes all-in with bullets or nuts, especially when miles out of position, still saw fit to push the remainder of his lifeblood into the pot. I recall screaming something like "what do you think I've got, what the fairies do you think I camping have likes???" To which I seem to remember he earnestly enquired "Q-9?" The only subsequent surprise was that my Aces held up at roughly 80-20 ahead. I wouldn't quite say my luck is turning, but it says a lot that even when miles ahead and doing everything right against a 'rather risky' move by another player (thought long and hard about that terminology, discounting words such as 'amateurish', 'laughable' and 'insane'), it's merely surprised relief when things pan out how they should for once. By this point in the game I had already become somewhat irked by some of the Doctor's earlier play (details later). Despite my little victory I still found time to scold/question at length his decisions. And to think this man cooked me dinner only last Thursday...

I had to make clear after initial blustering that my frustration didn't stem from players playing like idiots, that's more than fine by me. What is of maximum frustration is when players prone to such massive and cataclysmic 'errors of judgement' don't just win the odd game, but win, or challenge for, 2 of the last three titles while someone (moi) who doesn't make schoolboy errors can never ever, even by total fluke, win a single game.

Killawatt v Dunderfunk

Former behemoth, Killawatt, maintained his indifferent recent form with a 7th place exit. Plenty of jostling for position had fluctuated his chipstack a few times. Holding a KJ with a KJ8 flop, he had little choice but to back his cards. Everyone folded bar the Skilful Donut who was similarly committed atop pocket 8's. Only one PP$ giant could survive and you already know which. Killawatt left the game in 7th. But only just. Sitting to the left of Killawatt was the ever alert Pussy Doctor. Having already folded, and with two players left (Killa & Donuts), The Doc announced he couldn't remember if he'd folded or not and picked up the cards in front of him. Killawatt's cards. Seeing a KJ with a KJ on the flop, his face suddenly burst into neon and flashed the message 'what was I thinking folding cards as good as this'. I'm guessing that he realised he'd folded some other cards at the same time he realised these weren't his and whoosh, they were chucked into the muck. In this short and uncharacteristic whirr of activity by Dr How Mooch, Killa realised what was going on but his interjection came as his cards were sent muckwards. It also allowed Da Blouse to get a read, from the neon messages, of Killawatt's cards. The Doctor now scrabbling about amidst his foolishness, under the glare of all the players, announced 'No Harm Done', but wasn't yet finished digging. He made a grab for all the mucked cards and extracted Killawatt's, handing them back to him triumphantly and repeating the comedy 'No Harm Done' routine that had wowed his audience just seconds before. Aside from nearly wrecking a crucial hand, he'd given priceless info to his victim's opponent and had a wee look at all the other folded cards to boot. No harm done? The Doctor was PP$ champion in 2010.

Recently Bottleneck has been playing at Breakneck speed, even folding out of turn in what seems to be an attempt to shed the slow coach moniker. However his pace at exiting games is an unwanted side effect of the foot to the floor policy. With the recently departed Sea Cock feeling about in his pockets for his car keys, Breakneck sensed the opportunity of a lift home evaporating and lunged all-in with an A-hi for company. The Prince of Gingia took him up with pocket 5's. Both players missed the board, so the 5's held up and Breakneck's lift home was secured.

The Rock - also confused

As mentioned, Cock o' the Sea had already finished 9th and last on the evening. After a couple of to-the-death tussles with him this year, he chose the last hand before the break to call a massive pot-raise by your unlucky narrator in a final hand of Omaha immediately before the break and we were at it again. I'm still unclear, but his best hand at the end was either A-hi or a pair of 5's which confused me no end. Even crazier than the all-in cards that the Doctor had fancied at his expiration. Mr Donuts also called and it took the Ginga Prince a good couple of minutes to manage to toss his cards away in what was quickly becoming a multi car pile-up. Your narrator checked the flop, Sea Cock spewed the rest of his chips behind whatever he had (must have had a draw or two) before the Skilful Donut accepted the raise. I hummed and hawed like someone who wanted to call, but didn't know what to do. Just as I decided to get involved, the Donut made a noise that changed my mind and I folded. The Skilful Donut showed a full house. The Cock o' the Sea tried not to even show his diddly squat, understandably, even if it is very bad manners and against the house rules!!!

Earlier, I'd managed to get the first of my two pocket aces of the evening, somewhat scant recompense for the previous game when it's all I came up against. These hands paled alongside two other Omaha hands accrued by The Doctor which detonated semi-drunken debates on pokering ethics.

In the first, he became entangled in a big raise and re-raise hand with Killawatt. A solitary pair on the board gave Dr Doctor four of a kind and the Nuts. Whilst avoiding putting them down (as if I even have to say that), his decision to only call a final raise rather than screw his unfortunate victim for every last possible chip set me off on one. For the good of the PP$ I decided to fester in silence, only for the exact same situation to happen again a short time later. Killawatt, in what I can only fathom to be some sort of misguided loyalty waded in at the Dr's defence claiming He too sometimes decides not to maximise a victory. Having just won a couple of hundred chips from my whinging self, I took this to mean that every time he takes your chips its personal, otherwise, why didn't he take pity/go easy etc. I think I was agog and aghast. I still am.

And with this weeks match now a tiny little bit off my chest, here is the result.

1. The Unarguably Skilful Donut Girl
2. The Bonfire
3. Bleedoutinatophalffinishawatt
4. The Only True Gentleman for Miles and Miles
5. GingaStinga
6. Dr Incredulous
7. Over the Hillawatt
8. BottleBreak
9. Ocean Tadger

Apologies: The Unarguably Skilful Donut Girl (for winning some of those hands), The Damage (only plays in dollars), Wee Rambo (trying to better himself with exams next week so he can move away from the Peni plebs, do you think you're too good for us, is that it, just say if it is likes, aye away and stick your exams up yer - The One True Gentleman of Poker has been temporarily suspended from this point due to increasingly worrying levels of paranoia and hostility, his condition will be closely monitored before an assessment of his suitability for release back into the community can be completed.