2013 Championship Decider

10 x 10 =

Saturday 4th January 2014 was the day deemed fit to host this most momentous of contests in the Scottish sporting calendar. Kev's Colosseum welcomed a capacity crowd of 10 with the 2013 Championship Trophy still within the grasp of four players.

They were Championship leader The Doctor (3 wins in 2013), past champion The Ging'r Radge (2 wins) and Championship virgins, The Bondi Bonfire (2 wins) & Wee Rambo (2 wins). Two other players with 2 wins, PP$ hall-of-famers Dunderfunkin & Killawatt had averages that couldn't overcome that of the table topping Doctor no matter the result of this game.

Things at the opposite end of the table were decided, much to the delight of The One True Gentleman and Petawatt, purely by the appearance of Sea Cock, his attendance tipping him into half-plus-one qualification for the Final Table. His wretched average ensured he couldn't overhaul the averages of the former two even with a win, unless there was a sudden unforeseen alteration to the laws of mathematics. He'll be stirring his soup with a 'widden spin' for the next twelve months!!!

At stake was the ultimate prize in World Poker, the PP$ Annual Championship Trophy. But as this was the Championship Game, there is also the Tenner Game Trophy. And not only that, but ten tenners for the winner and Amazon vouchers for 2nd and 3rd place courtesy of match sponsors, K & FW Services.

The game began at a measured pace, but also, the bombs began to flow. These early incendiaries probably laying the foundations for the explosive carnage that arrived later. First up was a 'family' round of as yet unnamed Cointreau bombs in a Perry perimeter. Boosh!!!

Petawatt in laptop frenzy

Around this time the attendees were treated to a vintage performance by slapdash local comedian, Petawatt who launched into a frenzied assault on his poor laptop with glass based ornaments elevating past clumsiness to a new level. These performances make the anticipation of the next game, and his next routine, a mouth-watering prospect. Hopefully he could devise something with a tray of knives or some live cables (or indeed both) to keep the entertainment level high. And still they let this man ride a bike at speeds down hills.

Not long after being dragged away from his fliptop portal, Petawatt showed the first (and only) bullets of the evening. On his right, Rambo the Younger was busy building large stacks of 10's.

With the word 'sober' leaving the building as a relevant word, the Omaha hands began to rattle some chips around the table and to be honest, details of the game I didn't actually note down (exit hands only) become very sketchy quite early.

The odd K-J or A-suited kept my own whingeing levels low and also brought a hand or two to kick the granny into touch. The Doctor, trying to concentrate his purty little ass off was simply making a new raft of mistakes, getting people to play before it was their turn and that sort of thing (no prizes for guessing the victim of his vein-popping, swivel eyed aggression...). In His Regal Corner, on His Regal Throne, Killawatt was showing all the signs of increasing imbibification as his volume control spiralled to 11 and beyond.

10th place. Last place. First oot. Call it what you will. It went to Bottleneck. Getting drawn into an Omaha all-in with a pair of K's, Captain Birdseye blew him out the water with a hand I have in my notes as "(CL)". Any decipherification welcome.

Mid match, when the drink was a-talkin

And then things went pear-shaped. A cock-up by the Doctor, I mean Dealer, nope, same thing, resulted in a player being all-in before another player realised he hadn't been dealt a hand. Killawatt then went on a long discussion with himself about what he'd decided should happen, and when an alternate view was belatedly and politely proposed before a 'steamroller vote' (actual term used by the opposition), lets just say debate was had for a lengthy period. It was eventually resolved against Killawatt's opinion, but at least we could move on.

Then about two hands later, just after Killawatt had lost a chunk of chips to your Dear Narrator, two cards from that deck were found in the 'other' deck (PP$ uses two decks), the now well on his way to Nuggetsville Killawatt went airborne demanding a redeal and the 'lengthy discussions' were back on and worse than before.

GingaSlam

It is difficult to say who was apoplectic and who was poorless with laughter at all this, but when the dust finally settled and the game recommenced, within a couple of hands The Ginger Prince was all-in. This hand, the details of which maybe never even went into my head on the night, turned into what my notes refer to as a "Total Chip Stramash". The Prince of Gingia lost the hand and in the blizzard of bombs, misdeals, histrionics and hilarity, was out of the game, out of the championship and before Bottleneck could say 'lets get the fox outta here', The GingaRadge had exited the building.

The Championship would not be returning to Rullion Road. A young girl would be devastated. That's poker luv!!! We all hate it too. Hopefully Daddy didny smash too many holes in the wall when he got home.

Former and still occasional chianti, Dunderfunk took his leave in 8th place at the hands of a resurgent Doctor whose A-3 was enough for the paltry 4-6 off suit. He was followed in 7th place by Sea Cock who charged in behind an A-J to find Wee Rambo holding A-Q.

Killawatt was in soapy bubble around this time but majorly doubled-up against Wee Rambo when his A-3 trumped the latters K-3.

Petawatt went out in 6th with a perfectly respectable A-K but The Doctor edged him out with pocket 9's. No help for either on the board meant a slipping back into the middle placings for the winner of the penultimate game of the season.

With half the field now smoted into 2013 poker oblivion, 3 players were still on for the title with myself and Killawatt only able to cause pain and havoc for the hopefuls. Things soon moved on apace as these players found themselves in this hand;

J-J     Killawatt (all-in)
A-Q   Wee Rambo (all-in)
A-K   The Bonfire (praying-to-a-God-he-hadn't-previously-believed-in)

Killa led after the flop before a killer bullet appeared on the turn. Killawatt was out. Wee Rambo was out. While Shantanamo Gay moved to the cusp of PP$ Championship Dreamland. But the Doctor was still lurking.

Suddenly it was The Last Three. Readies and baubles onto the baize time. The culmination of a year of poker pain. Whatever the outcome, the gaudy prize would be leaving the 'Cuik for Auld Reekie.

The One True Gentleman and The Gynaecologist soon locked horns with the latter all-in. With starting hands not in the notes, all I have is "beaten from ahead" and "hit a 9". As I was the victor, I can only hazily recall that my A-9 trumped his pocket pair. I'm happy to be reminded/corrected.

2013 PP$ Champion

And so the title went to the great-great bastarding offspring of Australia's most notorious outlaw. Somewhat fitting, but there was still the small matter of the heads-up to be resolved betwixt Ned Kelly & Ned Frazerio.

The concluding hand of the 2013 season played itself out soon after. Your Humble Scribe, the former Jack-Six, the former The Raiser, the current One True Gentleman of Poker (only the cards, not the chat) found himself with the arme de choix of the slain Killawatt, the controversial K-9, and shoved. And The Bonfire bit straight back with a K-10. While my poker luck has turned for sure this last season, it hasn't turned that much and it was fireworks time around The Bonfire.


2013 Championship Match - Result

1. The Bondi Bonfire
2. The One True Gentleman of Poker
3. The Doctor
4. Wee Rambo
5. Killawatt
6. Petawatt
7. Sea Cock
8. Dunderfunk
9. GingaRadge
10. Bottleneck

Final Table - 2013

                             P     W   2nd    L    Pts      Ave
Shantanamo Gay  11     3     2     0    134     12.182
The Doctor          14     3     1     2     149    10.643
Wee Rambo          9     2     2     1     114    12.667
GingaRadge         16     2     2     1     167    10.438
Killawatt              17     2     3     4     152     8.941
Dunderfunk          12     2     1     2      96      8.000
The Gentleman     16     1     3     1     171    10.688
Petawatt              17     1     2     1     178    10.471
Sea Cock              9     0     1     2     51        5.667

Bottleneck            8      1      0      3     47     5.875
The Baptist           3      0      0      0      6      6.000
Wattinlaw             2      0      0      0      4      2.000



December 2013 Result, for which there was no report:
1. Petawatt  2. The Doctor  3. GingaRadge  4. The Bonfire  5. Dunderfunkin  6. The Gent  7. Killawatt