Saturday 23rd March - Result & Report

What I'm now up against

Decisions, decisions, whether to keep this weeks bad beat whinge for later or just get it out the way now? I've given it three days to cool off, but to little effect. So why not get the greetin over with!!!

The Worlds Crappest Ever Poker Player (that's me folks, statistically it's undeniable) was first out in a hail of bullets. Playing the top end poker that's gotten me nowhere for so long, I shunned all middling and worse hands, as the clever advice advises. The first hand I opted to play, I was last to act on the big blind, everyone folded bar one raiser. With a J-9 I decided to have a wee look. After the flop, I've got top pair and an overcard. Only one thing to do in that situation, raise. My foe, fellow wooden spoon contender Petawatt, showed no sign of backing down though, chucking a re-raise at me. So I fold about 300 or so skinter after being re-raised, declaring he had a higher pocket pair than my 9's. In a gentlemanly fashion, he showed AA. Winning the hand seems to be enough for the Petawatt, no requirement for trash-talkin and besmirching his clan's good name.

Ach well, at least that meant I wouldn't have to worry about coming up against A's for a while. The chances of playing just two hands and finding you're up against AA would be way beyond statistical sense. If that came to be, maybe God does exist after all, maybe I will win the lottery and maybe I am actually the greatest poker hotshot ever born!!!

If I had a gun...

A while later I'm dealt a spade flush draw on the flop. I've got the Q. The K comes on the turn giving me a K-hi flush (AND now a straight flush draw too). To get to the point of finding out my adversary most likely has the A with a re-raise to his raise, I'm down from 1600ish to 300 or so chips. Against Sea Cock, who had thought Q-7 pre-flop was a good hand after being pot-raised, when I put him out in the previous game, despite being out of position and pot-raised by me at every opportunity, I had to weigh up if his blatant 'I've got the A' behaviour was real or fake. I decided by now I'd gone too far and had to see. He slowly turned over a red A first, absolutely no need to put me out of my misery, then the A of spades.

Two hands, up against two pairs of bullets, both times the bullets held up against me and both times I hit cards to wade into deep trouble with.

The Doctor earlier insisted that paying cash to get shafted for years is an enjoyable way to spend an evening. This was met with some ire. Now, when every hand I'm up against is AA, well I'm at a loss as to what to do next. Fortunately there were witnesses to see these bullets, otherwise I'd be quite sure I was actually just going mad, which, all considered, would be preferable to this run of form/luck.

All I can see these days, am I going mad???

But later, once The Doctor had won the whole game (with a Q-8), and declaring it was all down to being lucky, I was even more delighted than a delighted fiver-donater could ever be thought to be. When is the next game, I simply cannot wait!!!

A good while after my exit, well after the munchy break - hardly worth pointing out there wasn't another pair of Aces dealt all night - The Bonfire found himself trapped in a cul-de-sac of pain he had no intention of entering in the first place. With a 7-4 in the hand and a 7-4 on the flop he pushed all-in and heard the dreaded words from Petawatt "ahhh, I have to, just to see". The Bonfire's fate was sealed, the 2 on the flop was matched on the turn making Petawatt's pocket 9's into a better two pair than Bonfires 7-7-4-4.

Bottleneck, making his first appearance since the recent sprog-thunk, left the game in 6th after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing with Killawatt. First he went all-in with KK v A-6 and it held up. Next he was all-in with A-6 v QQ, but couldn't find another A and exited in 6th.

Captain Birdseye, my 'Nemesis of the Week' ran aground soon after. His AQ v The Dr's AK suited was beasted when The Dr made his flush. He was then sunk for good by Petawatt when his Q-5 took on the latters J-10. Whilst Sea Cock hit a 5, the Fur Warrior hit a J and the field had been halved.

Reigning champion and one-move master tactician, Prince of Gingia felt the full force of poker's fickle hand of bad luck next. Charging into battle, as he is prone, with 5-5, he was met by the Gynaecologist brandishing KQ. When another slutty little Q appeared, The Prince was oot.

Some wag called the three remaining players - Killa, Doc & Petawatt - "two patsies and a behemoth". It wasn't long before the first Watt-off. Killa held K-2 and the Peta had J-8. Lacking in chips the latter pushed all his hopes into the pot, nothing came for either and we were down to the last two players. Blog rules dictate I must mention that this is Petawatt's modus operandi, top half finish, bleed out before the finale. I wish I was that good.

The Doctor now had some ground to make up. Forced all in with a J-7, he found Killa with 10-7 and held up to double up. Back in the match!!! Soon the medic's QQ held up v Killa's K-9, doubling up again. Not long after the Doctor's sublime skill was to the fore once more as his J-5 beat Killa's (blind all-in) Q-6. A staggering coming from behind with the aid of another pesky 5. With the Killa bleeding badly from all these cuts, the end arrived when his Q-4 took it royally up the garbage shoot from Dino the Vino's Q-8. The Doctor was the winner allowing a final "I'm f%&£+@ loving this" exclamation from my good self.

1. The Gynaecologist
2. Killawatt
3. Petawatt
4. The Ginga Stinga
5. C (is for) C***
6. Bottleneck
7. Shantanamo Bay
8. Greetin Little Woose