Bombs

The vessels

Aye, what are these bombs I've been hearing about man?

BOOM BANG-A-BANG, da bombs are the latest craze to sweep Kev's Colosseum. Want to learn more, read on...

One day, a dude called Petawatt bought some Red Bull and a bottle of Jagermeister. He combined these two substances into one magic potion called a Jagerbomb. Known in Germany as a Turbojager or a Flying Stag while the Finns are a bit more descriptive calling it Battery Acid.

This potent mix soon became a means for poker players to enhance their performances flying in the face of conventional wisdom.

Simple mathematics

But Killawatt yearned for more. One day, after a near two decade hiatus, he once again began sniffing around the parental drinks cabinet and was rewarded with some Kahlua, Cointreau, some Disaronno and a toffee liqueur from the Canary Islands. He then complemented these weapons with some red bull. A couple of 'bomb glasses' also entered his possession. His guns were now loaded!!!

Accompanied by The Raiser, they got tucked in like the don't-know-when-to-stop-Scots they are!!!

Next stop after the JagerBomb was a Skittle Bomb. This is also known in parts of Asia as a C-Bomb. It has now established itself as Killawatts favourite bomb. In the midst of a SkittleBomb afterjudder, The Raiser conceived the idea for a BucksFizzBomb. The bomb that writes itself. Cointreau in the middle, Champers round the outside. Champagne was duly purchased for the very next session.

This idea marked Phase 2 in Bomb development. Firstly it was the first invented bomb in the Killa/Raiser armoury, but it also put alcohol in the inner AND outer bomb components. Ya dancer!!!

Any mixer will do

It became apparent to participants - Petawatt was usually still involved after some regulation brotherly peer pressure - that two flimsy bomb glasses just weren't enough. The internet was duly scoured until suitably enhanced receptacles were identified. At this point the new art of Bomb drinking pretty much exploded. Bang!!!

More alcohol made its way into the glitzy new collection. Never before considered substances such as Limoncello and Cherry Brandy were mixed with all manner of energy drinks with scant flavour information and names generally unconnected to anything a sensible person should consume (Relentless, Monster, P***y, etc).

Understandably, the true evolution of our Bombs is a little hazy. As pioneers breaking new ground, we have scaled some delicious heights and shuddered and juddered below some truly disastrous combinations (toffee & lemon or the more controversial marzipan & champagne). So I've decided to list below the successes and shall leave you to experiment however you like with these Bombs being a great starting point.

A third of the price of the real stuff

JagerBomb
Inside: 1 shot of Jagermeister
Outside: Red Bull or equivalent (i.e. KX Energy drink)
Description: Not as bad as you may fear, especially if you were brought up on the industrial tastes of Aftershock, Tequila or Sambuca. A nice hit usually followed by a shudder or two.
Rating: 5/5

SkittleBomb
Inside: 1 shot of Cointreau
Outside: Red Bull or equivalent
Description: The Cointreau is 40% and packs an equivalent punch, but the Skittle aftertaste does enough. Although you've definitely had a drink, the lingering sweetie effect is very pleasant
Rating 5/5

DoubleLollyBomb
Inside: 1 shot if Disaronno or Amaretto
Outside: KX Red Berry
Description: The shot is marzipan/almond and when it mixes with the berry drink the leftover taste is very similar to Double Lollies. The Raisers favourite. Unfortunately the shot is only around 22% leading to accusations from Skittle Bomb afficionado's that it's not all it could be. Means I just have to have twice as many!!!
Rating: 5/5

BucksFizzBomb
Inside: 1 shot of Cointreau
Outside: Champagne or fizzy plonk equivalent
Description: This is the posh one, based on the Bucks Fizz (fresh orange juice in Champagne), its the true Rolls Royce of Bombs. Great for kicking off special occasions and any other occasion too. Don't forget, it has the blow-yer-socks-off ability as it's got alcohol in both compartments. Boom!!!
Rating: 5/5

KahToffeeBomb
Inside: Toffee liqueur
Outside: Kahlua, not as much as you'd normally pour for a mixer
Description: Another double strength BoomBomb, this wee bastirt packs an unsuspecting punch generating a hot afterjudder. Tastes lovely then Blam, you're three post bomb shudders in, loving it and saying 'ooh, dunno if I want another one of those'!!!!
Rating: 5/5



TropiToffeeBomb
Inside: Toffee Liqueur
Outside: KX Tropical
Description: Booyakasha, it turns out it IS the toffee that packs the hot slap, but it's nicely curtailed with a Lilt-esque tropical energy drink courtesy of the local Tesco. This would be the business on a hot beach somewhere, even though it has only so far been road tested durung our sodden summer.
Rating: 5/5

LemonCherryBerryBomb
Inside: Cherry Brandy & Limoncello
Outside: KX Red Berry
Description: Another borderline alcoholic innovation from Da Bomb Bros, this time two alcohols are mixed in the middle and complemented with the berry outer ring. It might be fruit-tastic, but it passes the Killawatt test of being "not too much like real fruit". Refreshing and rewrites Rule 1 of drinking - DO mix your drinks!!!
Rating: 5/5

Result - 21/07/2012

Sea Cock & breadcrumbs

1. Sea Cock
2. The Doctor
3. Wee Rambo
4. Petawatt
5. Bottleneck
6. Killawatt
7. The Raiser

Four bitch slappins into this game I'd had enough and pumped my remaining stack on QQ. Not only was this already behind the KK held by Bottleneck, the first card turned was another big durty K, well whaddayaknow. A blessed relief to be shot of this stupid fudgin pastime!!!!

The Dr after a Tropitoffee Bomb

Arriving late I'd missed a major Killawatt misjudgement. Playing & beating The Doctor all the way through a hand with the aid of a 9 of hearts to make his middling flush, he turned to show - eek - a 9 of diamonds. A 'reverse dean' against the inventor of 'doing a dean'. Revenge for the Championship Leader didn't come during the remainder of the game but was meted out later with all manner of bombs leaving the "english" one (he declared that earlier) near whiteying on the couch begging for mercy and spewing champagne bubbles into a basin. Puir wee scone!!!

The Dr post Bucks Fizz Bomb

Noticing the likelihood that his condition might later provoke the author of a local poker blog to cherry pick details in a manner akin to the style used in the national press, thereby inferring The Doctor was anything other than hardcore alcoholic since birth and somehow couldn't handle drink when presented in a novelty glass and a range of colours, and consequently prompting the Doctor to have to write an email complaining about such lack of journalistic integrity, The Doctor sprang from his slumbers.

Hopping from foot to foot he chopped down the remaining slovenly Scots in the room with a mixture of PHd level chat and strafing right/left upper cut combo's. In a flash he'd put the table back in the cupboard, emptied the ashtrays and done the dishes so he couldn't later be accused of being all bad. Without breaking stride he was down to Glentress in a matter of moments on an undersized trike with no tyres and one gear, booting it round the mountain side backwards whilst still wearing his shades. The polis warn against this, which made it all the more daring from the Beast of Bowburn. Finally deciding his manhood had been redeemed almost enough, The Doctor decided to return to the Colosseum the long way by kicking Froome into the scrub and pacemaking for Wiggins for an entire stage to ensure a maiden English (surely British) victory in the Tour de France. He's too often under appreciated, but its the unnoticed hard yards he puts in that people don't always see that make the man great (is this enough yet, I'm boring myself now?).

All accusations of tabloidry against this blog completely scuppered with this upskirt shot of the Dr after a Double Lolly Bomb

Whilst Killawatt survived that error with a few chips left, a mini comeback (one of my aforementioned bitch slappins) had given him a route back in. The crunch came soon after v Sea Cock. Killa held two spades. Sea Cock held two clubs. After the turn card there were two more spades and two more clubs out, so both players flushing. The club came, Sea Cock triumphed and Killawatt was sent to reflect on where his previous poker dominance has decided to hide.

It was Bottlenecks turn next to feel the Cock of the Sea. The formers 44 nowhere near good enough to overcome 99 from the Salty Ol' Sea Dog. Then Petawatt was the next to be done up like a kipper by Captain Birdseye choking slowly like a fish in an empty bucket, I think a 10-2 off suit being the death rattle of a disappointingly nondescript performance.

Wee Rambo couldn't do better than 3rd place when his Q8 was shown the door when Sea Cock's suited A4 flopped a straight.

Suddenly there are two players who don't have a clue what day it is vying for the money and worse still, pushing right into Championship contention. Sea Cock who'd slain everyone so far apart from your humble narrator who'd deliberately fell on his sword in a huff and Doctor 'I'm awake, no, I'm sleeping again, no, I'm awake, no, I've lost it again, what's happening, HOW MOOCH' Dot-to-dot (I admit, that name might not catch on). Doctor Etc thought a Q5 was a good hand against Sea Cocks KJ suited. The cards arrived in this order; 9-3-8-K-K and it was good night ya drunken bums as the designated driver pocketed the pennies and left with his second win of the season, although crucially, he is short of his half-plus-one qualification, so it might all be in vain.